Blind Faith
by ThirteenWishes
Summary: Clare and Eli are both still recovering from their traumatic breakup when they meet Jake Martin and Imogen Moreno. They think that these two are the perfect rebounds, but when you trust someone you barely know, nothing ever turns out as planned.
1. Chapter 1

_It's the last day of spring break, and I should be out with my friends. I should be laughing with Alli; I should be visiting Jenna and her new baby. I should be having fun, but every time I close my eyes, I see him. I see his face when I told him that I needed space; I see him in the hospital bed, smiling unsteadily at me, as if he was hoping that this would fix everything._

_I still can't believe I left him there._

_I'm just fifteen, and he was scaring me so much. I felt so pressured, so suffocated, and I needed a way out._

_So I shouldn't feel so guilty for what I did. But, for some reason, I do._

_And instead of having fun with my friends, I'm sitting in my room with the door locked, pouring out my feelings into a stupid piece of paper, and I'm crying my eyes out because I broke up with my boyfriend._

_Life is a joke without a punch line._

A single tear landed on the page, splattering the ink. Clare sniffed and wiped at her eyes, snapping the journal shut and tossing it to the side. Twelve hours until school, and she was crumpled into a weeping ball against the headboard. If she wasn't so miserable, she might have realized just how much her life sounded like a soap opera at the moment.

Her cell phone rang, scaring the crap out of her, and she jumped about three feet in the air. Sighing, she grabbed the thing, answering the call and holding the phone up to her ear.

"Yes, Alli?"

"Are you okay, Clare?"

Clare sighed again and replied, "I've been better. Why?"

"You sound like you've been crying."

"Maybe," Clare admitted.

"Clare! Move on already! He was manipulating you and-"

"I don't want to talk about it, Alli," Clare interrupted.

"You'll have to face your demons someday."

"Yeah, _tomorrow_. I'll have to see him in the halls and the classroom and…" Clare trailed off, biting her lip to keep even more tears from spilling over.

"I'm sorry, Clare." Alli sounded like she really meant it, and Clare smiled slightly. Even though Alli pissed her off sometimes, they were always there for each other; Clare had lost count of how many times she'd shown up uninvited on Alli's doorstep, sobbing her eyes out, because her parents were fighting _again_.

"Thanks… I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

There was a pause, and then Alli answered, "Okay. See you tomorrow."

Clare hung up, the cell phone dropping from her limp fingers onto her lap, and forced herself to take a deep breath. Usually, the action alone would calm her, but this time, she couldn't stop the tears. She had cried more in the last week than in the past three or four years combined.

"Clare!"

_What now?_

She could hear her mother's footsteps, coming up the steps, and quickly wiped at her eyes again, erasing the evidence. Helen was usually kind and patient, but she'd never really liked Eli, and she wouldn't understand why Clare was upset over the whole situation.

"Clare, we have guests!"

_Damn it_, Clare thought, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and standing up. She unlocked the door and opened it for her mother, keeping silent.

"We have guests," Helen repeated. "Why don't you come downstairs?"

"Who's here?" Clare asked as she followed her mother down the stairs.

"You remember Jake Martin, right?"

Clare stopped, her foot hovering over the next step. "What? No way. The kid who threw a dead frog at me?"

"That was six years ago, Clare."

Rolling her eyes, she nearly stumbled down the steps, catching her balance before she hit the floor and walking out into the dining room.

She could tell who Jake was right away. He was tall, with broad shoulders and dark blond hair, and he didn't look anything like her ten-year-old neighbor who harassed her when she was nine, and his father didn't look very similar, either. Then again, it _had _been six years, and she was sure that she didn't look the same, either.

"Clare Bear?" Mr. Martin squinted at her, like he couldn't believe that it was her. "Oh, jeez, kiddo, that _is _you. You're all grown up now, aren't you?"

"Hi, Mr. Martin," she greeted him, giving him a small hug. "Hi, Jake." Something was off, though; she didn't remember Mr. Martin _ever _calling her _kiddo._

"Hey, Clare."

His voice was different, too. Nothing about Jake was the same.

_Six years, _Clare reminded herself. _It's been six years._

"You look… good." His eye drifted over her, from her head to her feet, and Clare shifted uncomfortably. Okay, this was definitely _not _the Jake she remembered.

"Uh, thanks?" A small silence stretched out awkwardly between them, so she followed her words with, "You do, too."

He winked at her, and she almost puked at how damned _creepy _it was. She never would have thought she'd say this, or rather, think this, but she wanted the old Jake back. The one who chased her around with a snake in his hands and, in his younger years, thought she had cooties.

This was going to be a damned awkward dinner.

000

"He's just not the same guy, Alli," Clare explained. "It's so weird."

The two girls were sitting on the steps leading into Degrassi. They probably had half an hour or so before they needed to enter the building, but Clare had begged Alli over the phone minutes after Jake had left to get their early so they could talk face-to-face.

"It's been _how _long since you've seen him? Five years, right?"

"Six," Clare corrected.

"Well, Clare, you've changed a _lot _in six years. I'm surprised _he _recognized _you_."

"You don't get it, Alli. He was… flirting with me. Jake Martin was flirting with me."

Alli rolled her eyes. "And that's a bad thing? Clare, listen to me. Maybe this Jake guy can help you get over… you know who."

"Eli's not Voldemort, Alli. You can say his name," Clare snapped.

"Whatever. What I'm saying is, give Jake a chance. He might turn out to be… good for you," she suggested.

"I can't believe that you're _upset _because some supposedly cute guy hit on you."

"I never said he was cute," Clare protested.

"Well, is he?"

"Sort of," Clare answered awkwardly. Jake _was _kind of cute, but he wasn't… well, he wasn't Eli.

"Then just… go with it," Alli encouraged.

"It was creepy," Clare said firmly. That was her statement, and she wasn't changing it. "It was really, really creepy, and it was like he was a totally different person."

"Just go with it," Alli repeated. "Sometimes, when you take a risk, good things happen."

000

**A/N: This is an Eclare story, not a Cake story, just to clear things up.**

**And this is starting out a little slow, like all my stories, but it will get good, I promise! Check out my other story With or Without You, and don't forget to review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So I just wanted to thank everyone who added this to favorites/story alerts, and I wanted to thank emerald1198 for reviewing. If you haven't read their stories, you really should go read them because they're amazing!**

**And now… the story!**

000

_When you were standing in the wake of devastation_

_When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown_

_With the cataclysm raining down_

_Your insides crying "Save me now"_

_You were there, impossibly alone_

There was probably some kind of rule against sneaking her iPod into math class and listening to Linkin Park instead of the teacher, but to be completely honest, Clare didn't care.

It wasn't the fact that she was seeing Eli everywhere, though that was part of it, that freaked her out. He seemed to be trying to avoid her just as much as she was trying to stay away from him; neither wanted an awkward confrontation. The whole day, Adam had been stuck between them, like a kid caught up in his parents' divorce, but Clare wasn't ready to _face her demons _just yet.

She _was _freaked out, though, mostly because every time she turned around, Jake was there.

He was in the hallways, talking and laughing with his new friends, walking to class, at his locker. He was always close behind her, and Clare couldn't figure out if it was on purpose or not. He didn't seem to notice her; it wasn't like he was staring at her or anything. Or, at least, he wasn't staring at her most of the time.

It just freaked her out.

Clare hurried to her locker, stuffing her iPod into her pocket. She entered her combination quickly, unable to get over the feeling that she was being watched.

_This is paranoia, _she thought, opening her locker and taking a deep breath.

"Hey, Clare."

Clare immediately stiffened, recognizing the voice. "Hi, Jake," she mumbled.

"Um, I'm kind of lost."

"Oh." Clare closed her locker and turned around to give him an understanding half smile. "What class do you have next?"

"English with Ms. Dawes."

_Oh, no._

Of _course_ Jake would be in Clare's English class. Because that was just her luck, right?

"Me too," she answered slowly. "Come on, it's… this way."

She could practically feel his eyes burning holes in her back as she walked quickly in front of him, and her discomfort quickly increased.

As soon as she walked in the door, Ms. Dawes gestured for her to come to her desk.

"Clare, I've assigned you a new English partner."

Clare's eyes widened slightly, realizing that Eli must have requested the change. "Who's my new partner?"

"Do you know Jake Martin? He recently transferred here."

_Today just keeps getting better and better._

"Yeah," she sighed. "I know him."

"Oh, good. So why don't you just take your seat and we'll get started, okay?"

Clare slowly walked back to her desk, noticing that Eli hadn't shown up to class. Too bad she couldn't say the same for Jake.

She didn't know _why _she'd taken such an instant dislike to him, but just being around him, for some reason, made her feel so… _uncomfortable._ That was really the only word she could think of to describe it.

And now not only did he attend Degrassi, he was her English partner. Which meant that he would basically take Eli's place, proofreading her stories, criticizing her, staring into her eyes and then kissing her…

Clare immediately shook the thought away. Jake would _never _be Eli. He would just be… Jake.

She tried to pay attention to Ms. Dawes, but she couldn't. God, she missed Eli so damned much. It didn't make any sense; _she _had dumped _him_. She should be celebrating her new freedom; she should be ecstatic that she didn't have to carefully analyze her words for fear of setting him off on one of his fits of anger.

But, against all odds, she missed him.

000

Clare's thumb hovered over the _SEND _button as she reread her message to Eli for the millionth time.

_We need to talk._

School had started again four days before, and she hadn't spoken a single word to Eli. At first, she'd thought that it would be for the best if they kept on avoiding each other, but she was slowly going crazy. She needed to see him; she needed to make sure that she hadn't broken or damaged him. She needed to know that he would be okay without her.

_I'm giving myself too much credit, _she thought. _It's not like I was the glue holding his life together. It's not like I was all he had. He'll be fine._

_I just need to see that for myself._

Taking a deep breath, she sent the text and then snapped her phone closed, clenching it in her hand. She half expected Eli to just ignore it, but a minute or so later, her phone beeped, signaling that it had just received a text.

_Meet me the Dot in 10._

000

She was sitting at _their _booth, the closest to the door. The window beside it looked out over the street, and they used to bet the check on the color of the next car that came by. Just seeing her sitting there brought a wave of painful memories crashing over Eli, and he had to practically force himself to walk over to her, smile, and sit down.

"Hey, Clare."

"Hi, Eli."

She looked incredibly beautiful, as always, and he felt the familiar pain shoot through his heart.

It was almost funny how he hadn't believed in love until he'd experienced heartbreak when Julia died. And then he hadn't believed that anyone could heal his broken heart until his it broke _again _when Clare had left him in the hospital.

"What did you need to talk to me about?" he asked.

"I… I just needed to see you," she whispered.

Eli didn't let his words mean anything to him. Just because she wanted to see him didn't mean that she missed him, or that she still cared about him. It didn't mean that she loved him.

It didn't mean that she'd ever loved him.

"Well." He kept his voice level and steady. "I'm here."

"Yeah."

There was an awkward silence between them as Eli stared out the window and Clare stirred her coffee. Before the breakup, pauses in their conversations had been easy and natural, never this tense. Eli wanted to tell her he was sorry, that he still loved her, that he would do anything for her and that, if he could go back in time, he would never have suffocated her. He would have given her all the space she needed, and he would have dealt with his anxiety. He wanted to tell her that he would give anything to have a second chance, even if it was only as a friend. But he kept his mouth shut until the silence became unbearable.

"I'm on medication." Those were the first words that came out of his mouth. Whenever he was around Clare, he had no control over what spilled from his lips. After all, the first thing he'd ever said to her was _I think they're dead _after he accidentally ran over her glasses. And then he'd cleverly followed that up with _You have pretty eyes._ He wasn't lying or anything, but he was certain that he had looked like an idiot.

"And I'm seeing a therapist," he added. "I'm going to get better."

"That's good, Eli. That's really, really good."

That was the exact same thing she'd said to him when he told her about the hoarding. He could remember sitting on her couch, talking to her, his hands trembling. He could remember her arms tightening around him and her soft voice promising, "I guess you're stuck with me. Just like you said I was stuck with you."

He remembered every single moment he spent with her, and he didn't ever want to forget.

"My old friend Jake just transferred to Degrassi," Clare told him awkwardly, sipping her coffee.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. He's my new English partner, too."

Eli immediately felt guilty for requesting a new English partner; after all, that was basically how he got to know Clare. Besides smashing her glasses to the point of no return, he'd met her over their English assignments.

He wanted to ask, more than anything, if Clare liked Jake more than as a friend. Was _old friend _code for _childhood crush_? His hand clenched into a fist under the table, his fingernails digging into his palm. This was the kind of behavior that had pushed Clare away; the borderline obsessive, paranoid questions.

"Okay," he answered lamely. "Mine's Imogen Moreno. You know her?" Eli himself hadn't actually met the girl; he had asked Ms. Dawes to switch up the English partners on his way to homeroom and then skipped English.

Clare shook her head. "How's your, uh, leg?"

Eli brushed his fingers over the skull-topped cane he was forced to use for the next month or so. "It's not broken, but I have to wear this really weird brace and use a cane for a while."

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

Eli shrugged. "It's not your fault."

Clare paid for her coffee and then stared at him, her lips parted slightly, like she was about to say something. Finally, she said, "It was nice to talk to you, Eli."

_Don't leave, _Eli wanted to beg.

He simply nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

He sat there, long after she left, staring out the window and watching the cars pass by.

000

**A/N: In this story, Eli's not some emotionless statue, because the whole "I don't have feelings because I'm on meds" is total bullshit. I know about ten people who are on anti-anxiety meds, and they have emotions, so in this story, so does Eli.**

**Most of the characters, especially Jake, will be at least slightly OOC.**

**Reviews make the world go round!**


	3. Chapter 3

"I just wanted to make sure he was okay," Clare mumbled. "I don't really know why I wanted to talk to him… and there was so much I didn't say."

Alli patted her shoulder sympathetically. "We all go through hard breakups, Clare."

"I love him," Clare admitted. "I mean, I still do."

Alli hesitated before replying, "I know. And I'm sorry that it didn't end the way you wanted it to."

"Do you… do you think we'll ever get back together?"

Clare sounded so fragile, so broken, that Alli couldn't help but try to make her feel better. "Maybe," she sighed. "But Eli needs help, Clare. You were right to end things with him. Your relationship was so… unhealthy."

"I love him," Clare repeated. "And I never told him."

"It'll be okay, Clare. He'll be fine. You both just need time."

"I don't want to move on. I don't want _him _to move on."

Alli wanted to tell Clare to stay away from Eli; she knew that he would never _purposefully _hurt her, but he hadn't had to comfort Clare after she'd returned from the hospital. He hadn't had to listen to her cry over the phone nearly every night since then. He'd hurt her, even if he hadn't meant to.

But against her better judgment, she said, "Maybe one day you two will get back together. I mean, if you're really meant for each other… or maybe you'll find someone else, and you'll be happy. And maybe he will, too." Oh, shit. That was the wrong thing to say. "I mean, just because you ended things with Eli doesn't mean that you can't be happy."

"I can't see myself with anyone but him."

Damn. Clare could be incredibly stubborn when she wanted to, and Alli knew that nothing she would say could convince her otherwise. Alli had fallen in love _once_, and that hadn't really ended well; none of her romantic relationships had. She'd, very stupidly, fallen for Drew, when it was obvious that he didn't feel the same for her. Sure, he _liked _her, but he hadn't _loved _her. And she'd _loved _him, which had driven her to the conclusion that love was highly overrated.

"Maybe it'll work out," she replied.

"What if he's already moved on? What if he's over me?"

Alli rolled her eyes. She didn't want to remind Clare of the breakup, but they were talking about the guy who _crashed his car _for Clare. He _couldn't _be over her already.

"Clare? Why did you break up with him, if you love him so much?" All snapped, and the immediately regretted her words.

"Because… he was manipulating me."

"Besides that."

"It was all about _her_. Julia. _Everything _was about her. He… he wasn't really over her, I don't think. He never was because _every damned thing _was about _her_!"

Alli's eyes widened at her friend's outburst. "Clare-"

"I don't think he every loved me!" Clare practically screamed, leaping to her feet. "He was _never over her_!"

000

"You can talk to me, Clare. You can trust me."

Clare closed her eyes, biting her bottom lip to hold back the tears. She was sitting on the steps in front of the Martins' house with Jake; she didn't remember how or why she had come here, but now she was spilling her guts to him. She told him _everything_; her relationship with Eli, the hoarding, the difficult breakup, and the awkward conversation at the Dot.

"And the thing is, I don't know why I'm even talking to you- no offense, of course. I mean, I know we're old friends and everything, but the thing is, you're _nothing _like I remember. You don't even _look _like you used to."

"Well, it's been six years," Jake pointed out, but there was a strange edge to his voice that Clare couldn't place.

"I know, but… oh, God, _please _don't repeat anything I told you."

He gave her a cocky half grin that made her miss Eli's crooked smirk even more. "Don't worry. My lips are sealed."

"Thanks."

"I'm really nothing like you remember?"

"Nope." Clare shook her head to emphasize her point and stared out onto the street, remembering all the times she and Eli placed bets on the color of the car that would drive by next. Everything reminded her of him, even random songs on the radio.

"That's weird. Well, you're kind of different, too."

_I should hope so._

"And this Eli guy sounds like a manipulative, controlling ass."

"Hey," Clare protested.

Jake laughed. "I'm sorry. Too soon?"

"Um, _yeah_?"

"Move on, Clare. You said yourself that he was suffocating you. You said that you felt so pressured, so scared. You shouldn't be _scared _of your boyfriend."

"I wasn't scared of _Eli_…"

"It was an unhealthy relationship," he echoed Alli's words. "Just move on already."

"I don't _want _to move on."

"Well, when you do… I'm here."

Clare narrowed her eyes slightly in confusion, turning to stare at Jake. "Thanks… I guess?"

He winked, and Clare felt the familiar unease creeping up inside of her. "Just consider your options."

Clare hurriedly stood, pulling her cell phone out of her pocket. "I really have to go, see you at school tomorrow? Or something." The words blended together as they rushed from her mouth, and she gave Jake an awkward half wave before nearly running away.

000

"There's just something about him that's… different."

"Six years, Clare. He's gonna be a little different," Adam pointed out.

Clare rolled her eyes. "You know, _everyone's _been telling me that. But there are parts of _me _that are the same after six years, and I don't recognize _anything _about him. Or his father, for that matter. You'd think that there would be _something_, you know?"

"Well, what about his mom? Did his parents get divorced in the last few years or something?"

"No, his mom died when he was two. Car crash," Clare explained. "So it can't be that."

"Maybe he met a girl or something. Believe me, Clare; you can change a _lot _in six years. You can become _unrecognizable _in six years." Adam sighed. "Six years ago, I was _Gracie_. My personality was completely different- which was _hell_, by the way. Maybe something happened with Jake. People change."

"Not this much."

"Did you not _hear _my heartwarming confession of pain?" Adam feigned hurt, his eyes widening dramatically, and it had the intended effect. Clare smiled; an occurrence that had become increasingly rare since spring break.

"I'm serious, though," Clare insisted. "He's flirting with me, and it's really weird."

"Well, if he's making you uncomfortable, _tell _him. He probably thinks that you're playing hard to get or something."

Clare flinched, and then rolled her eyes. "Why do guys _always _think that? Why can't a girl just _not _be into them?"

"It's called _pride_."

"It's called _idiocy,_" Clare countered. "Self-absorbed idiocy at that."

"_Ouch_. You're insulting my gender."

"Well, you're different. You're a _nice _guy."

"And that's so rare?"

"That's almost impossible."

There was a slight pause in their conversation, and then for reasons unknown even to him, Adam blurted out, "Eli misses you, you know."

"I… I miss him too," Clare mumbled.

_He loves you._ But, for some reason, Adam couldn't let himself tell her that. She needed to hear it from Eli.

_And now I've gone from third wheel to awkward go-between. Again._

000

**A/N: Okay, so… I do not own Degrassi or any of the characters. I don't own any songs/bands that I use/mention in this story. And… I think that covers it, right?**

**Review please!**


	4. Chapter 4

Eli was wide awake for what seemed like hours before his mother knocked on his door.

He knew that he should have gotten up by now, but for some reason, all he could do was stare up at his ceiling, trying to control his breathing.

"Eli?"

He didn't answer, and half a second later, the door creaked open. As always, his mother's cell phone was clenched in her hand, her thumb positioned over the _9 _just in case she found him passed out with slit wrists, lying motionless in a pool of blood. This scene had repeated every morning since he'd come home from the hospital, and no matter how many times he tried to convince his parents that it _wasn't _a suicide attempt, they didn't believe him. No one believed him.

CeCe gave him an unsteady smile when she saw he was awake and alive, and he didn't bother returning it. His limbs felt heavy, as if they were made of lead, and he felt as if he had to wind himself up to face the day. He didn't want to have to reconstruct the walls to keep everyone out; he didn't want to have to put on a brave face and struggle through another day. He wanted to stay in bed and stare up at the ceiling for the rest of the day. He wanted his mother to turn the lights back off and close the door; he wanted to lose himself in his own little world until reality seemed like a distant dream.

Eli considered faking sick, but, as good a liar as he was, he'd never been good at that. Besides, if he was _sick_, CeCe would stay home from work and constantly check on him, and if he saw her peer inside his room with that damned phone in her hand _one more time_, he was _really _going to take a one-way trip straight to insanity.

"I'm getting up." His voice was, as it always was these days, hollow and empty. Emotionless. Expressionless. He sounded like the walking, talking dead, like his mind was slowly rotting away.

_That's a _wonderful _mental image._

"Do you want to stay home today?" she offered.

_Is that a trick question? _

"Dr. Hadley said that it might be good for you to take a break every now and then."

That explained it. Dr. Hadley was Eli's therapist; she was a thirty-something woman with hair so dark red it was almost black and deep gray eyes. She didn't have a clue what it was like to be him, but she didn't pretend that she did. She didn't treat him like he was some psycho made of glass; she treated him like he was a screwed up human, but a human nonetheless.

"Okay," he said finally.

"You're staying home?"

"I'm staying home," he clarified. "Thanks."

She smiled again, a little awkwardly. "You're welcome. I have to work this morning…" She trailed off, eyeing him cautiously as if judging his mental state. "Will you be all right alone?"

Eli sighed, his eyes closing. "I'm not going to kill myself, if that's what you're asking."

"That's what I'm asking."

"I'm not going to. I never _was _going to." After Julia died, he'd _wanted _to end his life, but he'd never actually taken any steps to do so. He'd held bottles of pills in his hand and wondered what it would be like to overdose; he'd turned kitchen knives at an angle to see them glint in the light and thought of what it would feel like to have your life leak out from your wrists. But Eli had never really enjoyed pain, and he only had a few scars on his upper arm from shallow cuts. The thing about suicide was that he didn't believe there was anything after death, and even if life was _hell_, it was still better than _nothing._

"Okay," she answered too quickly. "I believe you."

_No you don't._

"I'll be fine." Well, it wasn't really the truth, but it wasn't a lie either. If _I'll be fine _meant _I promise not to slit my wrists in the kitchen while you're gone_, then yes, he was fine.

Eli reached over to his bedside table and grabbed his vial of pills, his vision blurring slightly as he stared at the label. He popped open the cap and poured the contents into the palm of his hand, feeling like the small white pills were looking back at him.

He dropped all of the pills, one by one, back into the bottle, until only one remained. He rolled it between his thumb and finger before tossing it back into his mouth, closing his eyes and swallowing.

If he killed himself- if he overdosed- he wouldn't see _her _in the darkness behind his lids anymore.

Her haunting blue eyes even tormented him in his dreams.

000

"Eli Goldsworthy?"

Eli turned to see his English partner, Imogen Moreno, practically bouncing up to him. He'd known her for more than a week now, but she had yet to call him by his first name. He was always _Eli Goldsworthy _or simply _Goldsworthy _to her.

"Yeah?"

"Where were you yesterday?"

"Home," he answered shortly.

"Ah. Skipping again?"

"If you're so smart, you figure it out."

The first time Eli had ever met Imogen, he'd honestly thought that she was stalking him. Hell, maybe she _was_. It wouldn't surprise him. She knew _everything _about him, and it completely freaked him out.

"Therapist's orders?"

For the life of him, Eli couldn't figure out if Imogen _did her research_, as she called it,or if she was just incredibly good a reading between the lines.

"I'm not in the mood, Moreno."

"Yeah, I can tell. But we have a pretty kickass English assignment and I need your help- I mean, unless you'd rather I ask _Clare Edwards _about it, and then _you _might come up and I think we'd have a _lot _to talk about on that subject-"

"Okay, okay," he interrupted. Anything to keep her from talking to Clare, talking _about _Clare. "Meet me at the Dot after school and we'll work on it."

Imogen shook her head. "Meet me at the Dot during lunch and we'll talk. About _everything_." She wiggled her eyebrows at him, and Eli sighed. He couldn't understand if Imogen was flirting with him, or if it was just the way her brain was wired.

Imogen was… interesting, to say the least. She was a mystery that Eli didn't want to solve.

000

"You're writing the play for Degrassi Drama, right? I heard Fiona talking about it."

Eli raised his eyebrows. "Does this have anything to do with our assignment?"

"There _is _no assignment, silly." Imogen grinned at him, like it should have been obvious.

"Then I'm leaving." Eli grabbed his cane and started to stand up, but Imogen grabbed his hand, forcing him to stay. Eli immediately snatched his arm away, but, after a slight hesitation, sat back down. "What?" he snapped.

"I've noticed you've had some trouble writing lately."

"You've… you've _what_?"

Imogen shrugged. "You've have some trouble writing. It must be those pills you've been popping like breath mints."

"My anti-anxiety meds? I only take three a day," Eli corrected.

"You'd be able to focus better if you _didn't _take them," Imogen insisted. "Trust me. I used to take them, and once I stopped, I was right as rain."

"Yeah, well, you're not really the best candidate for sanity," Eli pointed out.

Imogen laughed, smiling blindingly at him. "You're so funny!"

_Yeah, it wasn't a joke._

"But seriously. Those things are no good for you."

"You didn't know me back then," Eli mumbled uncertainly. "Before I took these… I was screwed up."

"It was _Clare _who screwed you up, you idiot." Imogen sounded affectionate, like she was talking to a close friend instead of someone she barely knew. "Being around her messed with your head." Imogen held out her hand. "Pills, please."

"What?"

"Give me the pills. Come on, Eli, they're no good for you. They'll just mess with your head."

"Are you sure _you're _not the one who's messing with my head?"

Imogen rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. "All right, Goldsworthy. Keep them for now. Just, when you're ready, okay?" She winked at him, and it was almost… creepy. Eli Goldsworthy was freaked out by some girl who demanded his pills. "Sleep on it, all right? But I _know _I'm right. And deep down, you do, too."

000

**A/N: I wanted the Imogen/Eli situation to sort of reflect the Jake/Clare situation last chapter. But for the life of me, I can't tell if Imogen is trying to manipulate Eli, or if she actually thinks that this will help him. I'm going with the first one.**

**I really like Imogen's character, though. She's **_**different**_**, and if they kind of just stopped at that, I'd fall in love with her character. But they had to put in that whole **_**fake and manipulative **_**thing, which makes me not like her.**

**So… review, please!**


	5. Chapter 5

Clare stretched out on her back, staring up at the stars.

"_The stars are out."_

"_What's your wish?"_

_Clare couldn't think of a single thing to wish for. She had everything now, everything that she'd wanted. "If I tell you, it won't come true," she pointed out instead._

"_How cheesy would it be if I said that mine already has?"_

She felt like she'd lost everyone she loved. Eli probably hated her now, Darcy was still in Kenya and hadn't written in months, and her parents were still struggling to finalize the divorce. Even Adam and Alli had started to drift away from her, and she didn't blame them. It didn't make _any _sense at all; she had broken up with Eli. She had told him that they weren't meant to be together. She should be _relieved_, if not happy, that their relationship was finally over and done with. She shouldn't be lying out under the stars at eleven at night, struggling not to cry for what felt like the millionth time that day.

"_Come on, Clare, wake up."_

_Clare's eyes opened slowly to see her sister kneeling in front of her, shaking her shoulder to wake her up. "What?" she mumbled._

"_The stars are out," Darcy whispered excitedly. "Come on, but be quiet. We don't want Mom and Dad to wake up."_

_At the time, Darcy was eleven and Clare six. They tiptoed down the stairs and slowly opened the front door, flinching every time the hinges squeaked. The night air was cool and the grass slightly damp as they laid down on their backs, staring into the infinite night sky._

"_Clare, do you know what faith is?" Darcy had asked. She was always doing this; asking "Clare, do you know what hope is?" or "Clare, do you know what love is?"_

_When Clare didn't answer, Darcy continued. "Faith is knowing that somewhere, somehow, there's something else out there. Faith is knowing, deep inside, that there's something better."_

_Laying beneath the stars with her sister, Clare couldn't imagine that there _could _be anything better than this._

Clare's eyes scanned the blackness, illuminated here and there by pinpricks of light, searching for shooting stars. She remembered her disappointment at the age of seven, when she realized that shooting stars were actually bits of space junk that were burning up in the atmosphere and not actual stars racing across the sky.

When Darcy had entered high school, Clare felt like her sister had completely frozen her out. Suddenly, she didn't have the time for her nine-year-old sister. She had new friends, a new personality, and a new _life _that didn't include Clare tagging along behind her.

"_Clare?"_

_Clare glanced up, frowning when she saw her sister leaning against the doorway._

"_Darcy? What's up?"_

_Her sister took a deep breath; she looked fragile, like the slightest touch would shatter her into a million pieces. "Clare, do you know what rape is?"_

A tiny streak of light flew across the sky briefly before disappearing, and Clare closed her eyes briefly.

_Star light, star bright_

_First star I see tonight_

_I wish I may, I wish I might_

_Have the wish I wish tonight…_

Clare whispered to herself, "I wish that it never happened."

She didn't know what she was referring to. The horrible breakup, the car crash, leaving Eli in the hospital? Or maybe, farther back than that, her sister's rape that destroyed their entire family?

Maybe no one heard her. Maybe she was praying to empty air, an infinity of nothingness. Maybe there was no God. Maybe faith itself was a lie.

It wouldn't surprise her.

000

It was the middle of the night, and Eli couldn't sleep.

He was used to the insomnia by now, though. After Julia had died, he would stay up all night thinking of her, crying, replaying their fight over and over in his head. And if he actually managed to fall asleep, nightmares plagued him, and he would wake up after only an hour or so, screaming at the top of his lungs. Eventually, his parents stopped coming in to check on him. They said they would bring him to a therapist, but they never did, and then the hoarding began.

But the point was, he was used to long, sleepless nights.

He felt like _she _was everywhere. He would glimpse her, or think that he did, out of the corner of his eye, but when he turned, she was gone. He would hear the whisper of her voice in his ear, but he couldn't make out the words. He couldn't let her go.

He wanted to let her go.

As horrible as it sounded, he didn't want to love her anymore. He wanted this feeling, this ache deep inside of him, to stop. He didn't want to wake up every day with that emptiness, that hollow feeling where _she _used to be. He wanted to give up on her.

_Sleep on it, _Imogen had said. _But I _know _I'm right. And, deep down, you do, too._

_It was _Clare_…_

"It's her fault," Eli whispered. The words felt strange to say aloud, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. "It's all her fault."

And the worst part was, it felt _good_.

He wanted- he _needed_- to blame someone. He didn't want this to be his fault. He didn't want to live with the guilt of what he'd done.

"It's her fault. She did this to me. It's her fault."

He repeated the words, over and over, until they all blended together into nothing. Until they blended together into the truth.

"It's her fault," Eli echoed, yet again. And then he laughed.

He sounded fucking _insane_.

He hadn't laughed, _really _laughed, in a long, long time, and now it was a sound that belonged in an asylum.

"It's her fault. It's _my _fault. It's my fucking fault."

000

"What do you have to lose?"

Eli's hands were shaking, but not from nerves. He hadn't taken a single pill all day, and it was almost three now. He _needed _the pills like he needed to breathe.

"I need them," he mumbled.

"No, you don't," Imogen corrected. "You don't need them."

"Damn it, Imogen!" Eli nearly shouted.

"Be strong, Goldsworthy," she urged. "It's always hard in the beginning."

Eli shook his head, struggling to even _think _coherent sentences. His entire mind felt scrambled, distant, and he gritted his teeth as he forced himself to concentrate.

"Now, I'm trying to _help _you. I'm going to help you get over Clare."

_Get over Clare_. Eli couldn't remember if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Okay," Imogen continued, and he could tell she was smiling, even without looking at her. "I'm Clare Edwards."

000

"You still don't remember anything about me?"

Clare sighed. "I _remember_. It's just… you're so _different _now. I sound like a broken record, don't I?"

"Yeah, kind of." Jake stared at her, like he was _memorizing _her with his eyes. No, like he was trying to burn her image into his mind. She glanced away, her skin crawling.

"I remember when we were little kids… and our parents forced us to go to the pool together, because they said that one day we would be _best friends forever_," Clare quoted. "And Darcy ran off with her other friends, and we were stuck together." She waited for Jake to add to her little memory, but he didn't say anything.

"And we got into this stupid little argument," Clare continued awkwardly. "You shoved me into the water, and I didn't know how to swim." She didn't know why that particular memory had sprung to mind, but she was still trying to figure out why Jake's simple presence had such a negative effect on her.

"Yeah, and the lifeguard had to jump in and save you."

Clare turned to stare at him, her brow furrowing in confusion. "There were no lifeguards there. Your dad jumped in and helped me, and everyone laughed at me."

Jake refused to meet her eyes, and she could see him tense up, like she'd uncovered some terrible secret.

"Yeah, that's what I meant."

_It was almost nine years ago. Of course he doesn't remember every little detail. It's not a big deal, _Clare tried to convince herself. _It's _not _a big deal._

"You remember my little _offer_, right, Blue Eyes?"

"Don't call me that," Clare snapped immediately. "I mean… Eli's the only one who called me Blue Eyes."

"Oh. Okay, it's cool. Anyways, you _do _remember what I said, right?"

_Just move on already._

_Well, when you do… I'm here._

"Yeah, I… I remember," Clare replied quietly.

Without warning, Jake leaned over and kissed her.

It wasn't weird or creepy; it didn't make her skin crawl like Jake's words did. It was… nice. Simple, sweet, and _nice_.

She didn't kiss him back, but she didn't push him away, either.

And then, as suddenly as the kiss began, it ended. Jake pulled away abruptly, gave her his cocky half smile, and turned around to leave.

_What the hell…_

000

**A/N: Oh, my god. Fail. Fail. Fail.**

**Well… I tried, at least…**

**I know that the Clare/Jake scene was kind of rushed, but that was on purpose, and I know that Jake is so completely OOC that it doesn't even make sense. Just… review, please?**

**Oh, and Imogen is officially freaking me out now. She's completely manipulating Eli.**

**And I think that Eli still loves Clare. You don't just wake up one morning and decide that you don't love someone anymore. Of course, the fact that Imogen talked him into giving up his pills probably has something to do with that…**

**When someone prescribes you meds, you take them. It's kind of the whole point of meds.**

**I want to thank all the people who have reviewed, specifically claire3loves3music and emerald1198. You guys are awesome, and your reviews make my day! So thank you to everyone who reviewed any of my stories, it means a lot to me.**


	6. Chapter 6

"He was scaring you, Clare. He was manipulating you and you were right to break up with him."

Two days had passed since Clare and Jake had kissed, and he'd made no moves on her since then. Well, he winked and grinned at her, but that seemed like normal behavior for him. She was slowly growing used to his behavior, but…

_It doesn't matter that he forgot about the lifeguard thing. It was years ago… it _doesn't _matter._

_Just like it doesn't matter that his personality is completely different… that both he and his father are nothing like I remember… people can change a lot in six years._ Clare kept repeating it, over and over in her mind, until she believed it.

"I just… I just feel so bad that-"

"Do you think that he ever really loved you, Clare? Be honest." Jake sounded as if his patience with her was wearing thin, and Clare stared at him, surprised by his words.

"Eli loved me," she told him, but her voice trembled a little.

"Are you sure? Because from what you told me, it sounds like he was never really over Julia."

Clare had been thinking the same thing ever since she'd discovered his hoarding problem, but she'd never voiced her fears, except for that one time she'd yelled at Alli in a fit of rage and confusion, or even written them down. Hearing the words, the _reality_, coming from Jake was more painful than the guilt of leaving Eli in the hospital.

_He never loved me… it was all about Julia. It was always about Julia._

_The hoarding, the Stalker Angel story, the car crash, everything. Everything was about Julia._

"Eli loved me," she repeated stubbornly, but she had started to doubt her own words.

_He _was _manipulating me. He made me think that he loved me… but he didn't. Because he was never over Julia._

"Are you _sure_?" Jake sounded as if he pitied her, like she was a poor, broken, misguided girl who was sucked into some psycho maniac's trap.

"I… no. I'm not sure," Clare admitted softly.

"Clare, you're a great girl. Eli didn't deserve someone like you." He lifted one hand to trace his fingers down the side of her face, warm and rough against her chilled skin.

"Stop it," Clare protested halfheartedly.

"Clare-"

"_Stop_. Stop fucking _talking._" Clare's voice was choked with unshed tears, and this time, she was the one who leaned forward. She looped her arms around Jake's neck and kissed him, because he was there and she couldn't be alone anymore. She needed someone, and it didn't matter anymore if Jake wasn't Eli, because she _couldn't _take the ache inside of her anymore and she needed _anyone_ to fill the void.

It wasn't wrong, but it wasn't right. They fit together, but something was missing. Clare pressed her lips harder to Jake's, wanting and _needing _that _something_. That _spark_.

And it didn't matter.

Nothing mattered. Not anymore.

000

"You kissed Jake?"

Alli's voice rose about four octaves; she was practically squealing in excitement.

"Shh!" Clare glanced around quickly, but it seemed like no one had heard her friend's outburst. "Yeah. Maybe."

"So does this mean that you're over Eli?"

"No," Clare replied immediately. "I… I kissed Jake _because _of Eli."

Alli blinked in confusion, her lips parting slightly but no words coming out. Finally, she asked, "How… how the hell does that make _any _sense at _all_?"

"I don't know," Clare whispered, so softly she didn't know if Alli heard her. The truth was, it didn't make any sense, not even to her. "But I don't like Jake," she added, a little louder. "I mean… I don't like him _like that_."

"Of _course _you don't. But Jake is the _perfect _rebound, Clare. You just lock lips with him until you get over Eli- or, I mean, until you work things out with Eli," Alli continued quickly, noticing her friend's expression. "And then you just break it off with Jake, no strings attached."

"No strings attached. Yeah, right." Clare took a deep breath and asked in a rush, "Alli, do you think he ever loved me?"

"Who? Eli? Yeah, he loved you. As much as I hate to admit it, he loved you, in his own twisted way." Alli had never really liked Eli very much, but if she said that Eli had loved Clare, then…

"Are you sure?"

Alli hesitated, and Clare wasn't sure if she was going to answer. Then she sighed heavily and asked, "This is about the whole Julia thing, isn't it?"

"Kind of."

"I think that you need to talk to Eli again. Hear it from him."

"No." Clare shook her head to emphasize her point. "Last time I tried to talk to him, I just completely froze up. I couldn't ask him anything that I wanted to. I… I can't talk to him again."

Alli patted her back lightly in sympathy. "I know it's hard, Clare Bear, but you have to face your demons someday, remember?"

000

_I need to talk to you… again._

Eli reread the message over and over until his eyes blurred slightly. Clare needed to talk to him?

"Whatcha doing?"

"Nothing," he mumbled, snapping his phone shut.

Imogen grabbed his phone out of his hand, and Eli narrowed his eyes at her, even though he knew better than to argue with her. Imogen _always _got her way, something he'd come to accept since he'd met her.

"Clare Edwards? She _texted _you?" She sounded so disapproving, like it was Eli's fault. "She wants to _talk _to you?"

"Um, yeah?"

"Eli Goldsworthy." Imogen grabbed his arm, her fingers locking around his wrist as she stared straight into his eyes. "You are _not _going to go talk to that lying, manipulating bitch, are you?" She turned, releasing her hold on his arm, and dug around in her backpack, pulling out the half-full vial of pills. "Remember these? These are _her _fault."

_It's her fault. It's her fault… not mine. It's all her fault._

"I have to talk to her," he tried to explain.

"Don't let her get to you," Imogen urged. "Don't let her control you again." She stepped forward a little, so that she was even closer to Eli, and he moved back uncomfortably.

"What do you want me to do, then?"

"Let _me _handle it."

000

**A/N: I know that this chapter is short, and I'm sorry. Next chapter will be longer, I promise.**

**And I really want to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter! You guys totally made my day!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I originally wasn't going to post this until tomorrow, but since your reviews were so amazing and I already had this chapter written, I decided to go ahead and update. Enjoy the story!**

000

Clare tapped her fingers impatiently against her leg, searching the sidewalk outside for any sign of Eli. She had asked him to meet her here, at their booth at the Dot, and he was ten minutes late.

It shouldn't have been a big deal, but when they were dating, Eli was _never _late for a single one of their dates, except for the time when Morty broke down and he'd had to walk. But even then, he'd texted to explain. Then again, this wasn't exactly a date, and Clare didn't know if Eli was even going to bother to show up.

This time, she promised herself, she would say everything. She would get it all off her chest; she would explain to him exactly why she had done what she did, and she would get down on her hands and knees and beg for his forgiveness if that was what it took. She didn't want to get back together with him- she didn't want a relationship with _anyone_ at the moment- but she wanted them to at least be on friendly terms again.

Her eyes narrowed slightly when she saw Imogen skipping up the sidewalk and opening the front door, her hair bouncing around her face. She smiled almost blindingly at Clare before sitting down across from her.

"Um, hi?"

"Clare Edwards," Imogen replied, still smiling, but there was a strange glint in her eyes.

"I was kind of expecting Eli…"

"He's not coming." The smile was gone, and a smirk that set Clare on edge had taken its place.

_I knew it._

"Why not?" Clare could hear her own voice trembling, and she struggled to keep it steady. She didn't want Imogen to know how much those three words had wounded her.

"It doesn't matter. I'm here, aren't I?"

_Is she flirting with me or something?_

"I'm not flirting with you," Imogen clarified, and Clare's eyes widened in shock.

"How… how did you know what I was thinking?"

"Well, either I'm psychic or you're an open book, _Saint_ Clare." Imogen gave her a pointed, pitying look.

_Way too many damn people have looked at me like that lately._

"I just thought that you should know the truth. I mean, it's only fair," Imogen added.

Clare laughed scornfully, surprised that such a sound had passed her lips. "Is this the part where you tell me that you and Eli are destined to be together, and that he's deeply in love with you?"

Imogen giggled. "Eli doesn't love me, silly. Yet, anyways. The _point _is that… I'm sorry, Clare Bear, but he never loved you."

"Y-yes he did," Clare objected, but her voice was shaking again.

If Eli had loved her, why hadn't he ever told her? Granted, she'd never told him either, but wasn't the guy supposed to say it first? Wasn't that the way it worked?

"He thought he did. You can't blame him, Edwards. He honestly thought that he loved you, but he didn't. I'm so, so sorry to be the one to break the news to you." She didn't look sorry at all; she looked positively euphoric as she watched the pain that must have been obvious in Clare's eyes. "He loved Julia, though. That was the problem, you see. He loved her, and because of that, he couldn't love you."

"That's not true," Clare nearly whimpered. "Eli loved me."

"I'll prove it to you," Imogen offered, still smirking. "Name the one place that's the most special to you two."

Clare thought for a moment. "The abandoned church," she decided. They'd journeyed there once or twice a week, on average, until the breakup. She'd gone there once afterwards and broken down into tears; the place held so many happy memories.

And now they were only that. Memories.

"That's where the 'secret' party was, right?" Imogen's smirk grew as she stood up, motioning for Clare to follow.

"Where are we going?"

"To the church. To prove to you that it was always all about Julia."

000

Imogen didn't want to do this to Clare.

Well, actually, she did. She really, really did. She wanted to see the pain in the girl's eyes, because she _deserved _it. She deserved to suffer for what she did to Eli.

Because Imogen really, really liked Eli.

She'd developed a powerful crush on him after the news spread that he'd gotten Fitz arrested, and she'd observed him from afar, like a girl in one of those romance novels that she read almost religiously. He'd never really noticed her, even after he joined Degrassi Drama. He'd always been so wrapped up in Clare, so lost in her, so in love with her.

Imogen knew that Eli had loved Clare. Hell, he probably still did.

But after her little crush turned into a full-blown obsession, she'd realized that she needed to convince both Eli and Clare that he'd never loved her and she'd never loved him. Then he could move on, and she would be better for her than Clare ever was. She could understand him; she could love him more than Clare ever did. She just needed time and opportunity.

Oh, Imogen knew that what she was doing was wrong, of course. But she couldn't help it.

Well, she could help it. She just didn't want to.

She _wanted _Eli, and she always got what she wanted. She always got _who _she wanted.

It wasn't that she was some spoiled brat or anything; it was that, when she _needed _something or someone with this intensity, she would stop at nothing to get it.

And, God, did she need Eli.

Imogen pulled up in front of the abandoned ruins of the church and turned to smile softly at Clare. She poured every ounce of fake pity she could into the gesture and mentally patted herself on the back when she saw the anger, so clear on the girl's face. Saint Clare _was _an open book; Imogen just had to read between the lines.

She got out of her car- well, her mother's car, to be exact- and walked with great purpose to that one certain spot, the wooden planks piled high against the wall. She pushed them down, loving the sound they made as they clattered against the hard ground.

Oh, yes, Imogen Moreno was weird, all right.

And she _loved _it.

"Look," she told Clare, and then stepped back.

To be honest, the heart scratched into the wall with _Eli + Julia _written inside of it hurt Imogen, too, but she was used to it. After the secret party, which was yet _another _time when Eli failed to notice her and decided to snuggle up with his _perfect girlfriend _in a hammock instead, she'd snuck back here again and again. If she had the misfortune to arrive at the same time as Clare and Eli, she would hide in the bushes until they left. But she'd discovered the heart around a month or so before, and then the unlimited power of Google had aided her in figuring out who the hell this _Julia _was.

After she'd read a news article about the young girl hit by a drunk driver, she'd been able to piece it all together. Of course, it hadn't hurt that Clare and Eli had mentioned her a few times while she was watching them, but Eli had always stiffened and changed the subject almost immediately after she came up.

Anyways, it wasn't hard to figure out that Julia was Eli's dead ex-girlfriend, and that he blamed himself for her death.

Imogen could tell from Clare's shocked gasp that the blue-eyed girl hadn't known about the heart, and she couldn't resist rubbing it in just a little bit.

"I bet he told you that this was _your _place. I bet he never told you that he'd found it with Julia, or that it was _theirs _first. I bet he never told you that their names were carved into the wall, huh, Clare?" Imogen slammed her palm against the rough, weathering stone. "I bet you believed him, too. Did you think that this really was all for you two? Did you really believe, even for a second, that he was truly over her?" She shook her head sadly, and, in that instant, she really did feel sorry for Clare.

But just a _little _bit.

Then she said, "I'm sorry, Clare."

But even she knew that the smile she couldn't wipe off her face said differently.

000

**A/N: Imogen is the main antagonist of this story… besides Jake, I guess, but that comes later. (Little spoiler thingamajig.) Imogen's perspective is so fun to write, and I hope that it was believable. Even though, in my eyes and in this story, she's not exactly a good person, she's not a complete bitch. She has her reasons for doing what she does, even though they don't really excuse what she's doing.**

**I originally wasn't going to write in Imogen's POV, but I realized that Jake and Imogen's characters are kind of in black and white at the moment, and I'm a sucker for shakes of gray. So while I don't expect this to make anyone reading this fall in love with Imogen (exaggeration, I know), I hope it makes you dislike her a little less.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter! You guys are amazing!**

**(BTW: emerald1198, yes, there is something going on with Jake. I'm kind of taking that part slow and focusing more on the whole Imogen thing at the moment, but I will go into that more later. I would write more about it, but I don't want to spoil anything! Thanks for reviewing, I always love reading your reviews!)**


	8. Chapter 8

_There was a sophomore and a junior._

_There was a purity ring and a hearse._

_There was a backstabbing friend and a dead girlfriend._

_There was love that remained unacknowledged._

_There was a car crash._

_There was a hospital._

_And in the end, there was a heart, carved into the wall._

_Because it was never about me._

_It was always about her._

Clare didn't even try to stop the tears from spilling over as she typed, biting her lip so hard she was surprised that she didn't draw blood. Every word hurt, as if the letters were tipped with razor-sharp blades that cut into her heart, one by one.

She had wanted to tell Eli, _finally _tell him, that she still loved him. She had wanted to tell him that she was sorry, that she should have at least tried to talk to him, to work things out.

And instead, Imogen had _proved _to her, once and for all, that Eli had never loved her.

The worst part was, Clare couldn't blame him.

She'd seen Julia's picture. The girl was incredibly beautiful, even as she stared sulkily into the camera. She'd encouraged Eli to tell her about his dead ex-girlfriend; she'd thought that it would help him get over her if he finally talked to someone. Even though Clare had never admitted it to anyone, she had been increasingly jealous every time Eli spoke of Julia. Back then, she'd been able to assure herself that Eli loved her.

Now, she didn't even have that small comfort.

Both Alli and Adam had called, but she'd ignored her phone, keeping her eyes fixed on her computer screen as she typed page after page. And then she realized that she hated him.

Clare Edwards hated Eli Goldsworthy.

She still loved him, of course, and that was _why _she hated him.

Alli was right, and so was Jake and Imogen and Clare's own subconscious. He had just been manipulating her, playing with her emotions, the whole time. Where he knew what he was doing or not was irrelevant. She _hated _him, but somehow, she couldn't stop herself from loving him.

More importantly, she hated herself.

She hated herself for being so naive, for falling into his trap. She hated herself for falling for him, for not getting out while she had the chance. She should have run long ago; she should have backed out when she had the chance. After they'd kissed, all those months ago, for the Romeo and Juliet project, and he had begun to ignore her, she should have stayed away. She should have just let them go their separate ways.

Clare regretted ever falling in love with Eli.

It was horrible, but it was true. She wished that she had never met him; she wished that he had never run over her glasses that day. Her life was just fine- well, not _fine_, but close enough- until she'd met Eli.

She wanted to move on. She wanted to forget him.

The problem, of course, was that she didn't think that she _could_.

Because she loved him.

God damn it, she loved him.

And she hated herself for it.

000

"What did you tell Clare?"

Imogen's eyes widened at Eli's outburst, and she faked confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Adam just called and told me that Clare's not answering her phone. He called her house phone, and her mother says that she locked herself in her room and won't come out. What the fuck did you say to her?"

How could Eli still care for her? How could Eli still _love _that girl, after all Imogen had done to convince him that it was Clare's _fault _for his problems? It didn't make any damned sense to her, but then again, Eli never did.

"I just told her the truth," Imogen responded, and then mentally punched herself. Oh, shit, that was the wrong thing to say.

"The _truth_?"

Eli looked like someone who belonged in an asylum; his face was red, his fists clenched, his eyes wild. Anger practically radiated off of him, and for a brief second, Imogen was almost scared of Eli.

_Almost_.

Because she was Imogen Moreno, and she wasn't scared of anyone or anything.

"Yes," she replied, keeping her voice calm and steady. She made one of her infamous split-second decisions, the ones that any normal person would regret later.

Then again, Imogen was not _any normal person_.

"She wanted to know if you were getting help," Imogen lied. "I told her that you had all the help you needed. I didn't lie, you know," she added quickly. "You _do _have everything you need. You have _me_."

Something Eli was really, really bad at- and Imogen didn't know if it was because of his failed relationship with Clare, or if he had always been this way- was taking a hint.

"She was worried about me?" Eli's voice softened, and he sounded almost hopeful.

_Can't he just let her go already?_

"But why would that upset her?" Eli asked, but Imogen could tell that her answer, her lie, had calmed him.

Imogen was tempted to tell him that Clare was a cold-hearted bitch who hated that he was getting better, but that was stretching the truth a little too far.

Of course, she couldn't tell Eli the truth, that Clare missed him and definitely still had strong feelings for him. If Eli knew that, what would stop him from running straight back to her? Imogen had been through _way _too much work, perfecting this plan, to let something like _that _happen.

_It's a good thing I'm patient, _Imogen thought. When you were dealing with someone like Eli, you _had _to be patient. It was mandatory, and Imogen was nothing if not patient.

Oh, and she was smart. Scary smart, her mother had told her. Imogen could work out a million different scenarios that put her a thousand steps ahead of everyone else in her mind.

So Imogen quickly changed the subject; she stepped closer to Eli and placed her hand comfortingly on his shoulder. He didn't flinch at her touch, like he would have only a week ago.

_Progress._

"Eli, I'm sorry that I have to be the one to tell you this…" Imogen trailed off, looking down at the ground and biting her bottom lip nervously, like she'd seen Clare do.

"What?"

"Eli, I know you still care about Clare, but…"

"Just tell me already."

"She kissed Jake, Eli." Imogen had overheard Clare _bragging _about it to Alli earlier, and the memory made her blood boil.

_She doesn't deserve Eli._

"She wanted to meet you yesterday to tell you that she had moved on, and she wanted me to tell you that you should, too. And then she said that it would be best for both of you if you guys just left each other alone from now on."

Watching the pain in Eli's eyes and knowing that, with her lies, she had just re-broken his heart. And she did feel a little guilty, but she reminded herself that it was for the best. Eli needed to move on, and even if it hurt now, he would understand later.

Not that he'd ever find out that Imogen had lied to him, of course. She would make sure of that.

Imogen threw her arms around Eli and whispered, "I'm sorry."

000

Eli kept his eyes tightly shut as he struggled to focus on breathing.

Clare had kissed Jake.

Clare- _his _Clare- had already moved on.

She didn't love him anymore.

Maybe she never had.

"I hate you," he whispered, and he wasn't sure who he was talking to. Was his words for Clare or himself?

_It's her fault, _Imogen had said. And maybe it really was. Maybe it _was _Clare's fault that he was so fucked up.

Of course, maybe it wasn't.

Eli opened his eyes and stood up, walking into the hallway and then stumbling into the bathroom to splash cold water from the sink onto his face. Glancing up, he saw his reflection.

His eyes were dull, almost lifeless, with dark circles underneath them. He looked like a dead man.

No, that wasn't right. He looked empty, liked he was hollow inside.

"I hate you," he repeated, his eyes narrowing at the reflection in the mirror. "I fucking hate you."

Before he realized what he was doing, he punched the mirror as hard as he could, the glass splintering and shattering, shards dropping into the sink. Eli doubling over, holding his bruised and bleeding hand.

"Eli!"

Before Eli could say anything, he heard his mother's footsteps, running down the hall. She must have heard the glass shattering, he realized.

The door flew open, and Eli waited for CeCe to yell at him, to scream that he was an idiot, that he could have really hurt himself.

Instead, she murmured quietly, "What did you do, baby boy?"

"I… I don't know," Eli gasped, raising his eyes to the broken mirror. Several of the razor-sharp shards were tinted with blood where the glass had cut his skin, and the entire thing looked so… morbid, like a miniature crime scene.

CeCe knelt down beside him, wrapping her arm around his shoulders, and he closed his eyes.

"I don't know," he repeated.

He felt like he didn't know anything anymore.

000

**A/N: So? How was it?**

**I hope you guys like this chapter! I actually like the last chapter better, but… oh well.**

**It's really hard to explain how I think Imogen's mind works, but it's pretty fun to write in her perspective. You know that little warning light in the back of your mind that tells you when you've gone too far? Yeah, Imogen doesn't have that. I don't think that she can really feel guilty for long periods of time either. I mean, she does feel bad if she does something wrong, but only for about half a second.**

**Anyways, review! And thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter!**


	9. Chapter 9

Two weeks passed.

It was so easy, just to say it. Two weeks passed. From point A to point B in three words; why wasn't reality just as simple? Why couldn't time just fly by, the hours blurring around her and the days rushing past?

However, in the real world, the seconds ticked by slowly, every hour a struggle, every day a nightmare. Clare saw Eli everywhere, in the halls, in the classrooms and cafeteria, and knowing the truth now, she _couldn't _look at him. She couldn't talk to him; she tried not to even _think _about him as she watched the clock anxiously, waiting for another day to be over so she could cry herself to sleep, like she did every night.

It was stupid, so stupid of her to have let someone have such a hold over her. Now, though, she knew what _steal your heart _really meant. Eli had stolen her heart, ripped it right out of her chest, and she couldn't find anything to fill the void.

Two weeks passed.

Clare opened her locker almost mechanically, without really thinking about what she was doing. So, of course, she was surprised when the folded paper fell out, landing by her feet.

Slowly, she bent down to pick it up, unfolding it. It was a letter, she realized, scrawled in messy handwriting.

Eli's handwriting. She'd recognize it anywhere.

_Dear Clare,_

_Imogen says that I shouldn't write to you, that I shouldn't talk to you anymore, and I know that that's what you want. You probably don't ever want to hear from me again. I understand that you've moved on, and I just wanted to say that, sooner or later, I will, too._

_So don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I have all the help I need, and I'm glad that you have someone else now. I hope that one day, we'll be able to forgive each other._

_-Eli_

"What the hell?" Clare mumbled, feeling the all-too-familiar tears burning behind her eyes. _I understand that you've moved on_. To who? To what? She hadn't moved on, not at all. Did Eli know that she had kissed Jake? That was impossible; only Alli and, obviously, Jake knew. Clare hadn't even told Adam about the kiss. Or, rather, _kisses_. She felt her cheeks heat up, but at that moment, she was too confused to really be embarrassed.

_Imogen says that I shouldn't write to you._

_I know that that's what you want._

_I hope that, one day, we'll be able to forgive each other._

Clare didn't deserve to be forgiven.

But, then again, neither did Eli.

None of it made any sense.

Eli was right; Clare didn't want to talk to him. Actually, she did, but she _couldn't_. She knew that if she tried to, she'd fall apart. She'd break into pieces, and she'd _never _be able to move on.

She wanted, so badly, to forget all about Eli.

But she _couldn't_.

000

"Clare Edwards," Imogen observed, her fake smile plastered on her face. "What brings you here?"

The girl shifted her weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably, like she wasn't sure if she wanted to speak her mind. "I need to talk to you about Eli," she blurted out.

_Oh, no, _Imogen thought.

"Well, why don't you talk to Eli about Eli?" she suggested, knowing that Clare wouldn't do that. Or, at least, _hoping _that she wouldn't, not after what Imogen had showed her.

"I can't," Clare admitted, and Imogen felt the tiniest spark of satisfaction. "But you know him pretty well, right? I mean, you two are… always together…" Her voice broke, and Imogen realized that finally, _finally_, she had Clare Edwards right where she wanted her.

Imogen could tell Clare _anything _now. She could spin a web of lies to keep her away from Eli forever, and then, with her out of the way, it would be so easy. She was already inside Eli's head; he trusted her completely, and she could tell him anything, talk him into anything so easy, without lifting a finger.

"Yeah, okay," she replied, forcing her voice to sound calm and gentle, when really, she wanted to do a victory dance right here, with everyone watching.

"I found this in my locker." Clare handed Imogen a folded piece of paper, and Imogen frowned, confused. What was this?

_Dear Clare…_

Oh, _shit._

This was _not _good. This was _not _part of the plan.

This could ruin everything.

"Why does Eli think that I don't want to talk to him?" Clare asked in a small voice as Imogen finished reading the messy letter. "Why does he think that I've moved on?"

"You haven't?" Of course, Imogen knew that she hadn't, but she decided to play dumb.

"No. I… I want to, but I haven't."

"But you kissed Jake."

Clare immediately stiffened, and Imogen wasn't sure whether to applaud herself or not. She didn't know if that was the reaction she wanted.

"How do you know about that?"

Imogen smiled again. "We're in _high school_, sweetie. News travels fast."

"I didn't mean to kiss Jake. It just… happened."

"Just like you didn't mean to hurt Eli? It just _happened_?" Imogen tried to bite back the words, but she couldn't. She actually did care about Eli; everything she was doing now would be good for him, in the long run. Of course, she herself wouldn't exactly be suffering, either, but that wasn't the point.

"I'm sorry," she added quickly. "It's just… you were so bad for him, Clare, can't you see that? You messed him up. I know you didn't mean to, but you did. That's why, if you really cared about Eli, you'd stay away from him. He's deluding himself into thinking that he's okay, you know? I mean… just between you and me, he stopped taking his pills for a while." Actually, he still wasn't taking the pills, but Imogen left that part out. "I had to talk him into going back on them. If you came back into his life, Clare… well, he's barely holding on to what little sanity he has left as it is. You wouldn't want to push him over the edge, would you?"

Clare was silent, and Imogen repeated, "Would you?"

"No," Clare whispered, so quietly that Imogen barely heard. "I… I don't want to hurt him."

And Imogen knew that she had won.

000

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, and sorry that it took so long for me to update!**

**I'm on a vacation in Florida right now, and even though the hotel I'm staying at is supposed to have internet service, guess what? It doesn't. So I'm at an internet café right now, and I'm just going to post this part of the chapter. It was originally longer, but I hadn't finished it, so I kind of split it in half.**

**Anyways, I probably won't be able to update again until I get back on Monday, and then I start school again Wednesday, so I most likely won't be able to update as often. Again, I'm sorry! I hope you liked the chapter!**

**By the way, I haven't seen the recent episodes, so no spoilers, please!**


	10. Chapter 10

When Eli had written the letter, or rather, the note to Clare, he had wanted to yell at her. Well, not _yell_. It was _writing_, after all. But he had wanted to hurt her the way she had hurt him. He had wanted to tell her that it was all her fault, that he had stuck with her through everything but when he needed her, she'd run away.

But instead, he forced himself to tell her what she wanted to hear.

He did love her, after all. Unfortunately for him.

Over the past two weeks, Imogen and Eli had talked, over and over, and Imogen had helped him see the truth. It was _Clare's _fault that he was so fucked up. After Julia died, he was managing. He was, slowly but surely, building up his walls, creating his own little safe haven. The hoarding was just a phase, Imogen had said. He would have gotten over it eventually. But then Clare came, and she tore down all his walls. She exposed him to the world, and he let his guard down.

And then she ripped his heart out.

So, basically, it was all _her _fault.

But, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't hurt her, not even after all the pain she'd caused him. So he'd tried to be as kind as he could with his words, because, even though he hated her, he didn't think that he could live with her hating him.

Eli's hands were shaking slightly, and he clenched them into fists, a familiar action. His emotions and the actions that often followed were still completely out of control, much more so than when he was actually on his anti-anxiety meds, but he had to trust Imogen when she said that it was good for him. He _had _to trust her. She was the only person he _could _trust.

If anyone knew that he was off his meds, they'd talk to his parents, his therapist. They'd force him back onto them, and then he wouldn't be able to think. Imogen had told him that, the longer he was on the meds, the worse it would get, because there was _nothing _wrong with him. It wasn't his fault; it was Clare's, and as long as he stayed away from her, he would be fine.

Eli had no choice but to believe Imogen, to trust her. He practically put his life in her hands.

He hadn't spoken to Clare in two or three weeks, but it wasn't getting better. He still missed her; he still _needed _her.

"Eli."

Eli had learned that Imogen did, in fact, call him by his first name, but only when she was angry or disappointed with him. He turned to see her, holding a crumpled-up ball of paper in her hand.

"What is this?" she asked, tossing it to him.

Eli unfolded the paper, realizing that it was his letter to Clare. "How… how did you get this?"

"Clare gave it to me," Imogen snapped. "Eli, what did I tell you about her? She's messing with your head. You can't have _any _contact with her. Do you want to have a… a _relapse_?" Her voice softened as she continued. "Look, Eli, I know that you miss her, and I know that you still care about her. But she moved on, and it's time for you to do the same thing. It's time for you to let Clare go. That?" She pointed to the wrinkled paper in Eli's hands. "That was a good-bye letter, Eli."

She sounded like she was _demanding _that that was a good-bye letter, like she was telling him what to do. Eli shoved the thought away, out of his mind; he trusted Imogen, didn't he?

"Okay," he agreed finally, his voice breaking.

"Good." Imogen sounded satisfied, and Eli felt a small twinge of unease growing inside of him.

_I trust her_, he reminded himself.

"I just… I miss her," Eli admitted. "I… I wake up in the middle of the night and I feel so… _empty _when she's not there and I know I can't call her, and I know that she doesn't… that she doesn't love me anymore."

Imogen sighed and hugged him, resting her chin on his shoulder. Eli didn't hug her back, but he didn't resist her, either.

"I'm sorry that she hurt you like that," she told him, and she sounded sincere. "I'm sorry that you can't let her go, even though you _know _that it was her fault in the first place."

"It's not your fault," Eli told her, his voice flat.

"I know," she replied.

And then she did something she'd never done before, something that Eli certainly wasn't expecting.

She stood on her toes and kissed him.

000

Adam didn't know what the hell was happening.

First Clare and Eli were so flirty and lovey-dovey that it nearly made him sick; they were always sneaking kisses or exchanging _those _looks, and Adam had felt extremely like a third wheel. Then Fitz had come back, and Clare had been a little freaked by Eli's overprotective behavior, even though Adam had tried to explain that Eli was just scared for her because of what had happened with Julia. For reasons that Adam couldn't understand, that explanation upset Clare even more, though she wouldn't tell him why. Then Clare had asked for a breather, and Eli had completely snapped.

Now Clare thought that Eli had never loved her, that he had only loved Julia, even though Adam _knew _that that wasn't true. Eli himself was growing farther and farther away from Adam, isolating himself in his own little world with that creepy Imogen girl always beside him. Adam didn't know why, but he had a bad feeling about Imogen. There was something almost intimidating about her, and Adam didn't want her anywhere near Eli, not when he was in such a vulnerable state.

Eli barely noticed Adam anymore; they hardly ever talked, and when they did, Adam could almost feel Eli keeping him at arm's length, not letting him know anything. Adam was damned worried about his friend- well, maybe they _weren't _friends anymore. Eli seemed to be shutting out everyone except for Imogen, clinging on to her like she was the only thing keeping him alive.

And it freaked Adam out.

There was something going on with Imogen, some ulterior motive she was keeping to herself.

Adam needed to talk to Eli, but he knew that his friend wouldn't tell him anything.

Well, it was worth a try.

000

For the first time since Imogen had set this plan into action, she wasn't sure where to go next.

She hadn't meant to kiss Eli. Yet, anyways. It was too soon after she'd convinced him that his psychotic breakdown was Clare's fault, that all his mental issues were because of Clare. It was too soon after Eli had shown the first strong signs of letting go of Clare. Imogen knew that if she pressured Eli or moved too fast, the whole plan would fall apart.

So for the next few days, she would watch him. She would carefully watch his reaction, and if all went well, things would progress much faster than planned.

She had screwed up, but things might work out.

This might be good.

All she had to do was keep Clare and Eli away from each other. She knew that they both still loved each other, and it _killed _her.

She had to wait; she had to be patient.

She was tired of waiting, but she had to.

Eventually, she would get what she wanted. She had been through way too much, putting together this plan, to have it all fall apart now.

000

"Every time I kissed you, it felt… wrong."

"You thought of Eli," Jake supplied. "It's okay. I get it."

Clare let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "You're not mad?"

"I just got through a bad breakup, too." Jake shrugged. "So I guess I was using you, too. Sorry."

Well, that made her feel just fucking _wonderful_.

_Sorry doesn't fix a damned thing._

"But we could still, you know…" Jake raised his eyebrows suggestively, and Clare glanced away. It wasn't that she didn't like kissing Jake. It was just that… well, that she didn't like kissing Jake.

Silence stretched between them, and Clare discovered a new meaning to the phrase _you could cut the tension with a knife. _That _was _what they said, right?

"Do you remember when my mom made us sit through her singing 'lessons'?" Jake asked randomly.

Clare turned to stare at him. What was this? First Jake was so different, so out of it, getting the little details wrong, and now he remembered _this_?

Her whole life was so fucked up.

"She couldn't sing," Jake continued.

Clare couldn't help laughing. "Yeah, she _really _couldn't sing. And when you made me laugh-"

"_I _made _you _laugh?"

"You made that _face_!" Clare accused. "Your eyes were bugged out and you were holding your breath, and you were _blue_-"

"Yeah, just because I was trying not to laugh at _you_, because you looked like you were having a seizure or something."

"Fine, but how could you _not_ laugh?" Clare giggled. "She was singing that stupid song- I mean, no offense to you or her or-"

"But I thought she was going to kill us both," Jake interrupted.

Clare wanted to say, _I missed this._

Instead, she said, "I missed you."

"If you want to just be friends…"

Clare nodded. "Um, sure." Her voice came out about three octaves higher with the nerves.

And then Jake kissed her.

000

**A/N: Um, okay.**

**I don't really like this chapter very much. I don't really know why.**

**Anyways, I don't own Degrassi, but I do own this idea thingamajig whatever.**

**By the way, I intentionally kind of twisted the whole Jake thing. Review and tell me what you think is going on with him!**

**I still don't like Clare/Jake, even after Should've Said No, which I finally saw today. I can't put my finger on why, though.**

**And if Clare and Eli don't get back together by the time Eli graduates, I will seriously cry. That is exactly how much of a life I don't have.**

**Review please!**


	11. Chapter 11

Eli couldn't stop thinking about the kiss.

Imogen Moreno had kissed him.

What the _hell _was wrong with her?

What was wrong with _him_?

When she'd kissed him, he'd just stood there, shocked. He'd let her kiss him, her hands placed delicately on his shoulders, and he'd been frozen like a statue.

_Surprised _didn't even begin to cover it.

Imogen Moreno had kissed him.

The whole situation was just so bizarre to him. Was this what his life had come to? Kissing Imogen, the girl who was singlehandedly trying to piece him back together?

Was she just helping him because she wanted him? Was this some kind of game she was playing, and he was the fucked up prize at the end?

Eli might have been as screwed up as one could be, but he wasn't stupid. Well, he wasn't stupid _anymore_. He knew that something was up; something was wrong with this whole situation.

But he depended so much on Imogen, on her words and her instructions. At this point in his life, he needed someone to guide him through. He needed someone to be his rock; he needed someone to lean on. And Imogen had offered herself; she'd been there for him…

He had to trust her. He had no other options.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. Sure, he had other options. He could trust Imogen and let her fix him, or he could love Clare for the rest of his life, as he saw it, and be miserable forever.

So, really, it wasn't a choice at all.

If Clare loved him, maybe things would be different. Maybe he could take a different path.

But she didn't.

Eli would talk to Imogen about the kiss. He would ask her what it meant, what _she _meant. He would confront her about his fears and she'd smooth away all his doubts. She'd smile and look into his eyes and tell him that he was overanalyzing. She'd tell him that he was letting Clare Edwards screw with his mind again.

He could see the scene playing out in his mind, and for some reason, it made him absolutely sick.

000

"Can I talk to you?"

Adam had made up his mind. He wasn't going to move a single damned inch until Eli agreed to hear him out, until he uncovered the truth.

Adam's original plan had been to talk to Imogen, but, for unknown reasons, the girl scared the shit out of him. So he'd settled for talking with Eli; truth be told, he missed his former best friend, and he was worried about him. Eli was unstable, borderline psycho, and who knew what crazy-ass stunt he would pull next?

"Now?" Eli asked, glancing towards the emptying hallways.

"Yes, now." It had seemed like Eli was avoiding Adam all day, and he knew that if he let his friend go now, he'd have missed his tiny window of opportunity.

"Make it fast," Eli snapped. There was a hostility in his voice that had he'd never directed at Adam before, and he was a little taken aback. It was as if Eli viewed him as the bad guy, like he thought that Adam was trying to screw with his head.

"What's wrong with you?" Adam exploded.

"What do you mean?"

"I _mean _that you're acting like a complete and total ass. No, not that. You're acting like a completely different _person_. The Eli I know would stop at absolutely _nothing _to smooth things over with Clare, and you're acting like she doesn't exist."

"That Eli's gone."

"Dude, _what's wrong with you_?" Adam repeated. "If I didn't know better, I'd think that you were off your meds or something."

Eli simply stared at Adam, as if waiting for him to get to the point.

"You're… you're not actually off your meds, are you?" Adam checked. When Eli didn't respond, he added, "What the _hell_? Are you fucking _crazy_?"

Eli shrugged, and his face was… no, not calm. It was blank. It was like there was nothing behind his eyes anymore.

"Maybe I am. It's none of your damned business anyways."

This new, _completely fucking insane_ Eli simply shrugged and added, "I have to get to class. See you around, I guess."

000

"So… you went through a bad breakup, too?"

Clare was just trying to make small talk, something she'd never been very good at, but from the look Jake gave her, you'd think that she had suggested they strap explosives to their chests and ride camels through Central Park.

"Um, yeah," he replied awkwardly. "It wasn't actually that recent, actually. Like… a year ago. It seems like it was a lot more recent, you know? She moved. Um, here. She goes to school at Degrassi," he blurted out, and then immediately snapped his mouth closed, as if that was a secret that he wasn't supposed to share, under any circumstances.

Clare raised her eyebrows, interested. "Oh? Do I know her?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Well, what's her name?"

Jake didn't reply, staring down at the ground like it was the most interesting thing in the entire world. Clare repeated, louder this time, "What's her name?"

Still, nothing. It was like Jake was suddenly mute or something.

Finally, he lifted his eyes to hers. "Imogen Moreno."

000

**A/N: I feel evil. MWAHAHAHAHA.**

**And points to you if you can figure out the whole Jake/Imogen thing. I promise to explain it more next chapter!**

**Anyways, sorry for the short chapter. Reviews are awesome!**

**I do not own Degrassi.**


	12. Chapter 12

"I don't think he's taking his pills anymore."

Part of Clare wanted to tell Adam that she didn't care, that she was pissed that he had called her at five in the morning- on a Saturday, no less- to tell her that her crazy ex-boyfriend wasn't taking his meds. The rest of her wanted to march right up to Eli's house, time be damned, and slap him as hard as she could. How could he _not _be taking his pills? Did he not learn his lesson from crashing his damned car into a wall because Clare needed a little breather?

"What do you mean?" she asked stupidly, even though there were only so many things _"I don't think he's taking his pills anymore" _could be.

"I tried to talk to him today in the hallway, and he was just… _weird_. It was like he was a completely different person or something."

Clare knew the feeling. When Eli had caught her talking to Fitz that one time at the Dot, she felt like she didn't even know him. He was so angry, so _betrayed _over that tiny two-minute conversation. Hell, if he'd driven up thirty seconds later, he would have missed the whole thing.

Eli had _really _bad timing.

"Did you tell anyone? Like, his parents or something?" she asked.

"No. Not yet." She could hear Adam take a deep breath over the phone and then continue. "I know that I should, but I… I feel like I'd be betraying him or something."

Clare knew about that, too. When Fitz had turned up on her doorstep, her first response had been to slam the door in his face. Not because she was scared of him, but because she knew that Eli would be so beyond upset if he ever found out that Fitz had stepped foot in her house, especially when Clare was home alone. Even though she'd known that it was the right thing, she'd felt guilty about it.

"Adam, you have to tell his parents. He's… he's messed up. He _needs _to take his medication. If he doesn't, he'll…" What were the words? He'd have a _relapse_? Would it be called an _attack_? What exactly had gone on in Eli's mind to make him think that nearly _killing _himself was the best course of action?

"He'll go crazy again," Adam finished. "I know."

"You have to tell his parents," Clare repeated. "Or his therapist or something."

"I think that Imogen talked him into giving up his pills," Adam blurted out. "I mean, I talked to her _twice _or something, and she's freaking _psycho._"

Talking someone into giving up _prescribed medicine _for what Clare considered a serious mental problem- what exactly did Eli have, anyways?- was just too… _dirty_. Clare wasn't quite as naïve as she had been only a year before, but even so, she couldn't believe that some people would actually do something like that. No, she _chose _not to believe that people would do something like that.

She'd told herself that Imogen was helping Eli. She'd told herself that Imogen was exactly what Eli needed; even though he girl was a little… quirky, Clare told herself that she was Eli's rock, his support system. She would be there for him, and that was what he needed.

But maybe Imogen was hurting Eli more than helping him. Maybe she was manipulating him into doing whatever the hell she wanted.

"Clare? You still there?"

"Yeah," Clare answered quickly. "It's just… you really think that Imogen would do that?"

"Well, I don't really know her…"

Clare could almost hear the unspoken words. _You'd have to talk to Eli._

Last time Clare had tried to talk to Eli, Imogen had showed up instead, and Clare's heart had been ripped out of her chest and shattered into a million pieces.

_Imogen._

_Imogen _had showed her the heart in the church.

Clare could still hear Jake's voice saying, "Imogen Moreno."

Oh, _fuck_…

000

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Jake and Imogen had met in their freshman year. They'd been lab partners; Imogen was the quirky, interesting girl, and Jake was the funny, athletic guy. They'd hit it off immediately, and before the year was over, Jake had asked Imogen out.

Oh, and they went to the same high school as Eli and Julia, but they didn't really know that. It was a big school, after all, and Eli and Julia mostly kept to themselves.

Imogen couldn't remember how long she'd been dating Jake- at _least _a few months- when her parents told her that she was moving to Toronto. Of course, she'd burst into drama-queen tears, thinking like all freshman girls that she had found her one true love in Jake, when in reality, she didn't even like him very much. She'd told Jake that she was moving, and he'd said, one more date. One last night to have fun.

He'd taken his parents' car, even though he didn't have a license, and they'd gotten these really bad fake IDs and gotten stone dead drunk. They'd _known _that they shouldn't drive back, but they were young and stupid and it was one in the morning, so they thought that if they stuck to the back roads, the neighborhoods, well, chances were no one would be driving back to their house at one in the morning on a week day.

It was April twenty-second.

They didn't know that Julia had had a fight with her boyfriend. They didn't know that she'd run away in the middle of the night. They didn't know that she would be crying too hard to really see.'

_They _didn't see _her _until she was flying up onto their windshield in an explosion of cracked glass a blood, and Imogen might have screamed, but she wasn't sure. It all happened so fast, and then there was a dead girl lying in the road with the shattered remains of her bike splayed everywhere. Jake looked like he was going to have some kind of panic attack, and Imogen just kept screaming, "Drive! Just _drive_!"

Hit and run.

They were young, stupid, drunk.

And they killed a girl.

Imogen told herself that it was an accident; they hadn't meant to kill _anyone_. But then she realized, hey, _she _didn't kill anyone. Jake had been the one who was driving. Jake had been the one who killed Julia.

"You owe me," she'd told him, that last morning with the accident still fresh on their minds. "I'm keeping your secret- for now, anyways. Just remember that you owe me."

And then, a little while later, through some twist of fate, Eli had transferred to Degrassi. Small world, huh?

Imogen had taken one look and thought, _Hey, I _know _you._

By the time that she'd realized that Julia had been _his _girlfriend, she'd developed a powerful crush on him that had turned to an obsession. She _wanted _him- she _needed _him- and he would never know.

It wasn't exactly dinner conversation, anyways. "Oh, by the way, my ex-boyfriend and I killed your girlfriend. Just FYI."

Yeah, right.

Imogen had, indirectly, broken Eli, and she had to be the one to fix him. Clare was bad for him; Imogen was good for him. It made sense.

So she'd cashed in the _favor _Jake owed her.

And then, that day- present time- he was standing there at her doorstep, saying, "I screwed up."

Well, damn.

If anyone found out what they had done, the consequences would be worse than Eli hating her forever- which would be pretty bad, actually. There might be an investigation. A _murder _investigation. And then they'd find the list of crimes; _murder_, breaking and entering, and more recently, identity theft.

Then again, that wasn't really _her _problem. Jake couldn't prove anything.

Well, _damn_.

They were in way over their heads.

000

**A/N: I tried to make this as believable as I could, but the Degrassi timeline is so screwed up. I hope that it actually does make some sense… and that it's not too farfetched.**

**I feel like I really need to explain… Imogen tried to put the whole thing out of her mind because she did feel guilty about it. She's not some heartless monster, but the way she dealt was by telling herself that **_**she **_**didn't kill the ex-girlfriend of the guy she liked. And she's trying to help Eli, in her own way. She just thinks that she's the only one who can fix him because she's the only one who really knows what broke him.**

**So… yeah. Does that clear things up? Maybe?**

**And, yes, identity theft. Almost all of you already guessed it!**

**I hope you guys liked this chapter! I think I rewrote it about three hundred times…**

**And I'll write in Eli's POV next chapter, I promise. Clare and Adam are finally figuring things out, but Eli's sort of in the dark.**

**Sorry for the horrible OOCness of the story, but it makes it more fun to write, and hopefully more fun to read!**

**So… review please?**

**I do not own Degrassi. If I did, shit would go down on a daily basis. And Eli wouldn't be crazy. And Eclare would still be together. And Drew would never wear a shirt. Ever.**


	13. Chapter 13

Imogen had encouraged Eli to get rid of everything that reminded him of Clare. Well, not _encouraged_. That wasn't the right word. Only a few days before she'd kissed him, Imogen had talked Eli into handing over all of his pictures of Clare, all of the rough drafts of essays that he'd edited, all of the little notes they'd passed during class that he'd stuffed in his binder. Of course, the whole thing was in vain. Everything reminded Eli of Clare, but he didn't tell Imogen. He just nodded and watched the physical reminders of his memories go up in flames.

He'd kept one thing, though. The gold watch that Clare had given him, the one that had belonged to her father. Imogen knew a lot, but she didn't know about the watch. When Eli had told her that it was his, she'd believed him.

He should have given it to her. He should have let her take it away, so he could finally, _finally _face his demons. Or rather, so he could _banish _his demons, shove them from his mind and ignore them forever, however childish it was.

Of course, he couldn't.

It had been the same thing with Julia, only worse. As with Clare, everything reminded Eli of Julia, but there was a difference. She was _dead_, and he felt like he would lose the memories if he threw anything away. He'd been able to let Imogen burn the _Clare_ reminders, of course, but now he wished that he hadn't.

But the point was, there was one thing that Eli clung on to with Julia, just like he couldn't give up Clare's watch. Julia's picture.

He'd shot it, destroyed it for Clare.

And now he had nothing but a watch.

How goddamned pathetic.

Eli held the watch in the palm of his hand, staring at it, turning it from side to side and watching the light reflect off of it.

Why couldn't he just fucking forget Clare already? Why couldn't he just move on?

But who would he move on to? Imogen?

His train of thought spiraled out of control. Imogen Moreno had kissed him. He'd confronted her about it, but she'd just smiled and told him not to worry, that she knew what she was doing. Then she'd ignored him for the rest of the day, shooting tiny, incredibly upset glances at, of all people, Jake Martin, which he'd returned.

What the fuck was going on?

Eli stared at the watch, thinking for just a moment that he saw Clare's face reflected on the shiny surface. She was everywhere, always in his head.

What was wrong with the world?

Of course, there was no answer to that.

What was wrong with _him_?

Well, what _wasn't _wrong with him?

Inside his own head, Eli cried. No, he sobbed in desperation, despair.

But on the outside, he remained completely expressionless, a perfect poker face. His life was a game now, and damned if he was going to be the first to fold.

_Damned if you do and damned if you don't._

000

Clare was cleaning her closet for the first time in… well, probably around two or three months.

She was, by nature, a clean person. She folded her clothes and put them away, her books were lined in alphabetical order by their authors on the shelves, she made her bed every morning, and the floor was always clear and clean. The only thing that was really, horribly messy was her closet.

The clothes that weren't tucked away in the dressers were splayed on the closet floor. Books, their spines destroyed, were stacked in leaning towers, and crumpled papers were everywhere. There was so much junk piled up in the corners of the small space that she was reminded of the first time she'd seen Eli's room, though it wasn't quite that bad. It wasn't that she _couldn't _throw things away, but sometimes she just didn't get around to it, and the unwanted items ended up in her closet.

She was rooting through a pile of bleach-stained clothes, the victims of a laundry mishap, when her hand hit something hard. Frowning, she pulled the purple shirt- which now had a large, discolored whitish streak and spots- away, and her eyes widened in shock.

Eli's headphones, the ones he'd given her all those months before.

"_But I'm still going to do whatever I want."_

_He lifted his gaze from where her hand lay over his, his dark green eyes meeting her light blue ones. "Wouldn't expect anything less."_

She fished her cell phone out of her pocket and called Adam, silently begging, _pick up, pick up._

"Hello?"

"Adam? It's me."

"I'm about to call CeCe-"

"Don't," Clare interrupted.

"Clare, if Eli's not taking his medication, it could be really bad for him. He might really hurt himself-"

"I know. I just… I need to talk to him first." Clare gripped the headphones in one hand. She had one last chance to get things right, to _make _things right, and this time Imogen wouldn't screw things up for her, for _them._

"Okay," Adam said slowly. "Just… be careful, okay?"

"Eli's not going to hurt me," Clare snapped.

"It's not you I'm worried about."

000

There were a few light, timid knocks on the door, and Eli almost jumped, startled. His parents wouldn't be home for another few hours- they had only recently decided that they could trust him enough to leave him alone for long periods of time. He could only hope that it wasn't Imogen; for some reason, he didn't want to face her yet.

Clare.

Clare Edwards was standing in front of him when he opened the door, her hand still raised to knock again. Her eyes stared into his, and Eli felt completely frozen. He didn't think that he could move or look away, even if he tried his hardest, and to be honest, he didn't want to.

"Hi, Eli."

He was paralyzed. He couldn't say a single thing to save his damned life.

"Can I come in?"

For the first time since he'd opened the door, he jerked his eyes away from hers and noticed that she held his headphones in her left hand. Oh. So _that _was what this was about.

"Keep them." His words were harsh and cold, his voice clipped with poorly disguised anger and, more than that, disappointment. For a moment, he'd thought that she wanted to talk to him, that maybe he could finally have his chance to apologize. But she didn't want him; she didn't want anything to do with him.

She was just returning his goddamned headphones.

"What?" she asked, sounding so confused. So _innocent_, and it just pissed him off even more. She _knew _what he was talking about.

"The headphones. They were a _gift_. Keep them." He spat the words through gritted teeth.

"That's not why I'm here," she admitted softly. "Can… can I come in?"

Eli hesitated.

_Then why the fuck are you here? _he wanted to scream.

Instead, he stepped to the side, holding the door open for her.

"I guess chivalry really isn't dead." Her attempt at a joke fell flat, and she seemed to know it. She bit her lip, her eyes pointed down towards the floor.

Eli could feel the anger leaking out of him. He tried to remind himself of all that Clare had done to him, how much pain she'd caused him, but _fuck_, Clare Edwards was _in his house _and he was having trouble _breathing _with her so close to him.

God, he was screwed up, wasn't he?

"I just… Adam and I are worried about you and we want to know if you're taking your pills." The words came out in a rush, Clare's eyes still directed at the floor, refusing to meet his.

Okay, so it wasn't about the headphones.

But apparently Saint Clare felt _guilty_- as she _should_- and her little conscience was eating away at her or some shit like that. Maybe Adam had talked her into doing this; maybe he didn't want to see Eli, either.

"Why do you even care?" Eli snarled. The anger was back, clouding his mind so much he was nearly seeing red. He was nothing but a _charity case_ to her now.

Clare looked taken aback by his words. "B-because I care about _you_," she stuttered.

Eli laughed bitterly. "You don't care about me. If you _cared_, you would have at least _tried _to help me."

"Eli-"

"If you _cared_, you wouldn't have told me that we weren't meant to be together. If you _cared_, you wouldn't have left me in the hospital. You _don't _care about me."

"Is that what Imogen told you?"

Whatever reaction Eli expected, it wasn't for Clare to match his incredibly pissed, bitter tone with one of her own.

"You don't know _anything _about Imogen."

"And you do?" Clare shouted, her face flushing with anger.

Did he know anything about Imogen? Did he know a single damned detail of her life before she'd come into his?

"That's not the _point_," Eli argued, his voice low and dangerous.

Clare didn't seem fazed by this; she knew as well as Eli did that he _couldn't_ lay a finger on her. "Then what _is _the point, Eli?"

"The point is that _you never loved me! _You're a cold, manipulative little _bitch _and I can't believe I _ever _let you play me like that!"

Clare fell silent, her face frozen in an expression of complete disbelief. Eli swore that he felt his heart stop beating. If it wasn't for the ticking of the clock, Eli would've thought that time was standing still.

"_**HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT?**__"_

This time, Eli really did jump, shocked by her outburst. His eyes widened, his jaw dropping through the floor.

"How could you think that I didn't love you? _God fucking damn it!_" Eli had never heard _Saint _Clare swear before, but she was on the verge of some kind of tantrum or fit or something. "Fuck you, Eli! _Fuck you!"_

Even though Eli would never admit it to anyone, the tiny, supposedly innocent blue-eyed girl was scaring the shit out of him.

Her voice lowered, softening. "I loved you, Eli. I hate myself for it, but I loved you. God, I still love you, _not that you'd care_." She muttered the last words under her breath, but Eli still heard them.

Clare Edwards loved him.

He felt like he could fly or something, like he could walk on air. Like every damned thing wrong with the world would be all right just because Clare Edwards loved him.

It was almost as if their roles were reversed until Eli laughed again. There was no trace of malice and bitterness this time; he was _happy_. He sounded completely _insane_, but he was _happy_.

"How could you think that?" he echoed Clare's words.

Before she could ask him what he meant, he stepped closer and kissed her.

000

**A/N: Well, it's about time, isn't it? Imogen's not going to like this!**

**(Cheesy moment, I know, but I couldn't resist.)**

**Anyways… review! Because there's a **_**lot **_**that Eli, Clare, Adam, Imogen, Jake, etc, still don't know. Hell, Clare doesn't even know for sure that Eli's off his pills, Eli doesn't know that Imogen ad Jake accidentally killed Julia, and Clare doesn't know about the whole Jake thing… kinda sorta spoiler hint thingamajig? Maybe?**

**Eh, just review. ;)**


	14. Chapter 14

Clare hadn't realized just how much she really missed Eli until he kissed her.

At first, she was just shocked, and all that she could think was _Eli Goldsworthy is kissing me._

And then she just _melted._

It was a complete storybook romance scene; the hero and the heroine reunite and fall back into each other's arms. It was unreal. It was _too _perfect.

Clare shoved herself away from Eli, breaking the kiss. She stared at him with wide eyes, and he looked equally surprised, though by the kiss or her response, she wasn't sure. His lips parted like he wanted to say something, but he didn't seem to be able to speak.

Finally he said, "Damn it. I'm sorry."

"N-no, it's okay." Clare sat down on the couch, resting her elbows on her knees and trying to take deep breaths. Her life was _way too fucking confusing _at the moment, and now… now Eli had kissed her, even though Imogen had proved to Clare that he was still in love with Julia…

_Imogen. Shit…_

Was she… _playing _them? Would Imogen really manipulate them like that just so she could get her little prize, whatever it might be, at the end? Well, Clare knew exactly what- or, rather, who- she was trying to get. Eli.

"I shouldn't have kissed you. I'm sorry," he repeated, sitting down beside her but leaving a good two feet of space between them, like he was afraid that if he touched her, she'd shatter.

_When did I become the broken one?_

"No, it's just…" Clare took another deep breath. _In, out. Calm down. You can do this. _"Did you ever really love me, or were you just trying to use me to get over Julia? I mean, I don't think you'd purposefully do something like that, but Imogen showed me the heart in the church and you never told me that you loved me and I thought that maybe-"

"Whoa, wait." Clare glanced over at Eli; he looked so confused, it was almost funny. "Stop, rewind, and play."

"Imogen showed me the heart in the church," Clare repeated. "And you told me, over and over, that it was _our _place, you know? Some couples have a song or something, and we had an abandoned church. But… it was never _ours_. It was always _yours_. Yours and Julia's."

"Clare-"

"No, let me finish. I just… I can't help but think that our whole relationship was impacted by Julia. Whenever you kissed me, whenever we were even talking to each other… were you thinking of her, the whole time? I mean, the Romeo and Juliet project… you ignored me afterwards because of her. The hoarding. When Fitz came back, you were so overprotective because you'd lost Julia. The Stalker Angel story- it wasn't really about me, was it? It was about _her_. The car crash…" Clare trailed off, but there was still one more thing that she had do say. "So, I just… tell me the truth, okay? Because I really, _really _need the truth right now. Did… did you ever really love me?"

_I can't even compete with a dead girl._

"Clare…" Eli seemed at a loss for words, which all but confirmed Clare's worse fears. She waited anxiously for him to continue, bracing herself to hear the words _Yeah, I was. I never really loved you. I'm still in love with her. I'm sorry._

_I'm sorry _changed nothing. _I'm sorry _couldn't make him love her.

"Clare, I… I love you."

000

Clare didn't think that she'd ever been so happy in her entire life.

Eli loved her.

_Eli Goldsworthy _loved _her_, Saint Clare. Maybe miracles and hope and _faith _really were real. Maybe Darcy was right; maybe, somewhere, somehow, there was something out there, something better.

But Clare couldn't imagine anything better than this.

It had been almost seven PM when she'd finally told Eli that she had to get home, that her mother would freak out if she came back from work to an empty house. She hadn't wanted to say goodbye, not just yet, but it was better than before. This time, it was temporary.

Eli had told her that he'd give her all the space she needed, but at that moment, she didn't _want _space. She wanted to run straight back to his house, throw herself into his arms, and spend the night with him, just like she had planned to… well, before she even found out about the hoarding. Of course, at that time, she had been almost _insane_, blinded by the disappointment and pain of her parents' divorce. She'd come to the conclusion that love was temporary, and she wanted to enjoy it while it lasted.

But maybe some things were built to last.

Maybe love really did last forever.

She would have been perfectly happy with staying there, with Eli, forever, completely lost in each other.

Someone knocked loudly, forcefully, on the door, and Clare jumped about ten feet in the air, immediately tensing. Then she heard a familiar voice call, "Clare! Come on, let me in!"

Jake.

Oh, God. How was she supposed to explain to Jake- her, uh, _friend with benefits_, in a sense- that she'd reconnected with her ex-boyfriend? That they were back together? What was she supposed to say? _I'm sorry, but I never really liked you in that way. You were kind of a rebound. Have a nice day!_

Yeah, right.

"Coming!" she shouted, rushing down the stairs and throwing the door open. "Whoa, you look like hell."

He didn't respond, pushing past her into her house and then sitting down on the same couch that Eli had when he'd confessed to her about the hoarding. Jake looked almost… _broken_, and Clare remembered Eli's expression when she left him in the hospital, though that had been a thousand times worse.

"Jake? What's wrong?" She could wait to tell him about Eli; it didn't seem like now was the right time to share the bad news. Well, bad news for Jake. Good news for Clare.

_I'm a horrible person._

"I… I'm in trouble, Clare. I did something really, really bad."

Clare's breath caught in her throat. "What?" she managed to choke out.

"I killed a girl," he whispered, so quietly she barely heard. "And I'm not Jake Martin."

000

**A/N: Oh, yes. That just happened. ;)**

**Imogen and Jake aren't bad people. They're just kids who were caught in a bad situation, and they didn't know how to get out. They would have been around fourteen or fifteen at the time of Julia's death, so they thought that they'd be blamed because they were underage and DUI. So imagine that you're fourteen, you go out and have fun drunken times with your boyfriend or girlfriend, and then suddenly, you accidentally hit a girl and kill her.**

**I mean, what would you do?**

**But of course, identity theft isn't the answer. Imogen's pretty fond of blackmail, though. (Hint, hint.)**

**Anyways… I do not own Degrassi! Review please! And thanks to everyone who has reviewed! I love you guys!**


	15. Chapter 15

_I'm not Jake Martin._

The words echoed, over and over, in Clare's mind, and her lips were parted in an _O _of surprise. Her eyes were wide, and she stared at the boy she knew as Jake.

"Who are you?" she managed to choke out.

_Jake _took a deep breath. "My name is Noah Bradley. Imogen and I… we went to the same high school. We… we used to date. One night, we were really drunk and we were driving home, and… there was this girl on a bike, and…" He was talking too fast, trying to spill his entire story before she could interrupt him, as if his life depended on her knowing what happened.

_Oh, God. Julia._

"I didn't see her, I swear. I mean, it was the middle of the fucking night and I was fifteen and all of the sudden she was just laying there on the side of the road and there was so much blood… and Imogen just kept yelling at me to drive. It felt like a dream, a nightmare or something, like it couldn't be real, and… the next day, we read about a fatal hit-and-run accident and I knew that it was her, and Imogen said that we couldn't tell anyone. She said that since we were drunk, we could be tried as adults or something… and I didn't know what to do, so I just… I just agreed. And we never told anyone. But around two months or so ago, she called me and told me that I owed her, because I was the one driving the car, and I was the one who killed that girl… so I had to do what she said. She had all this information about this Jake Martin guy, and she told me that I had to pretend to be him… and she got her dad's friend or her uncle or something to pretend to be my dad…"

All Clare could think was, _Oh, my God, my mom's alone with that guy right now and we have no idea who the hell he is._

And then, _I'm alone in the house with Jake- Noah- and I have no idea who he is, either._

"I didn't want to, Clare. I'm really, really sorry, but I swear I didn't want to. My… my entire life could be over just because of one little mistake. I mean… I killed a girl. It was an accident, but I… I _killed _her. And I don't know what to do."

What could he do?

The reality of the situation struck Clare like a blow, and she felt a little lightheaded. What could Jake- Noah- do? Like he'd said, it wouldn't really be considered an accident since he was drunk at the time and driving underage. He could be tried as an _adult_. He could go to _jail_ or something.

He'd killed Julia, but he hadn't meant to. Should he really have to suffer for the rest of his life because he'd screwed up _once_?

What could he do?

And now he'd told Clare, and what could _she _do?

If she didn't tell someone- if she didn't tell the police or something- she could be in trouble with the law.

And if she did tell someone, she'd be ruining someone's life. Actually, she'd be ruining two peoples' lives. Jake and Imogen's. Well… Noah and Imogen's.

"Julia," she whispered.

"Yeah, that was her name."

"She's Eli's ex-girlfriend. His _dead ex-girlfriend._ Oh, my God." Somewhere, in the back of her mind, some little voice was giggling hysterically, _Small world, huh? _Meanwhile, the rest of her was freaking out.

Jake/Noah killed Julia.

And now that Clare knew, _what could she do_?

Could she tell Eli?

She wouldn't be able to even _look _at Eli after knowing this without feeling guilty. She knew who had killed Julia.

"_She was still alive," Eli mumbled._

_Clare glanced over at him, raising her eyebrows. "What?"_

"_Julia. They… they said that she was still alive when they found her. That she died in the ambulance. It was a hit-and-run." The words seemed painful; Eli almost never talked about Julia. "If those… if those people who hit her had stopped for three seconds, just to _check_, she might still be alive." He took a deep, shuddering breath. "They said that she was probably just laying there for two or three hours before they found her."_

Clare hadn't realized that she'd spoken until Jake/Noah said "Wait, what?"

"What?" Clare echoed.

"You said, 'She was still alive.'"

What was Clare supposed to say? _"If you'd gotten out of the car and checked to see if she was alive and sucked it up and called an ambulance, she probably wouldn't have died."_ The past was the past; Jake/Noah couldn't change it. It wouldn't be any use to make him feel that much more guilty. He didn't need to know.

"Sorry, I just… I don't know." She stood up and walked towards the kitchen, grabbing the household phone off of the counter.

"What are you doing?" The panic in Noah's voice made it clear that he thought that Clare was calling the cops.

"I… I'm calling Eli. We… got back together earlier today. I have to… I have to break up with him." _Again_. Clare felt… numb, like she wasn't really there.

Like it wasn't really happening.

Oh, God, she wished that this wasn't really happening.

"Why?" Jake asked, surprised.

"I can't tell him. I can't tell him that you and Imogen… oh, God, I _can't._ And I can't look him in the eye when I… when I know _this_. I can't…" All she could think now was that she had to protect Eli from the truth. He couldn't know. Some secrets were best kept, well, _secrets_.

Which meant that Clare couldn't be around him, not anymore. She couldn't keep this from him, but she couldn't tell him, either.

Now that she knew, she was in too deep.

So she'd have to break his heart a second time.

000

_I can't do this anymore._

_I'm sorry._

_I think that we were better off alone._

_We went into this too fast._

_Maybe someday this will all work out._

_I'm sorry._

Eli clenched the phone in his hand, even though Clare had hung up more than half an hour before.

Before, he'd been… happy. He'd felt like, finally, everything was really going to be all right, because he had Clare.

But of course she'd rethink it.

Of course she was too good for someone like him.

Of course she'd regret what she'd said.

She probably didn't mean it, anyways. It was probably something that just… _came out_, when she said that she loved him. Imogen was right; Clare had never loved him.

She had never loved him.

_She lied to him._

She broke her promise a second time.

Eli dropped the phone suddenly; the noise from it hitting the floor sounded dull, far away. When Clare had called him, he'd barely been able to choke out a few syllables in answer her. This wasn't like the enraged phone call that had resulted in Morty completely totaled and Eli lying, brokenhearted, in a hospital bed.

Of course, he hadn't known what _brokenhearted _really meant until his heart was _fixed _and _then _shattered all over again.

He didn't have it in him to hate Clare for this.

He could hate himself, though.

_What did I do wrong this time?_

_I told her the truth. It was never about Julia. I told her that I love her._

_What did I do wrong?_

He walked stiffly into the kitchen, grabbing onto the first thing he saw. A knife.

The way the blade glinted in the light reminded him of Vegas Night.

"_Please. Don't do this."_

"_Someone's got to shut you up."_

And then, later, walking out of the school, the blue and red lights reflecting off of the side of the building.

"_So what am I supposed to do?"_

"_I don't know. But if it's this, then I can't be with you."_

"What did I do wrong?" he repeated, out loud this time. His voice was too loud in the quiet house. He was home alone; if he really did this, no one would stop him.

He hated himself.

God, he _hated _himself.

And there was only one thing to do- if he had the guts.

Eli pressed the sharp blade against his wrist, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.

_Five…_

_Four…_

_Three…_

_Two…_

000

**A/N: Cliffy. Oh, I'm so mean.**

**Don't hate me for breaking up Eli and Clare again! Clare had her reasons! This is still an ECLARE story!**

**And… eh, that's just about it. Besides the fact that I haven't written in Imogen's POV in, like, three chapters.**

**Oh, and Thursday's episode… "That's because she is the hero."**

**MY HEART. IT MELTED.**

**There is hope for Eclare! BOOYAH!**

**And that new promo? GIVE US A HAPPY ENDING, DAMN IT, ELI! (Or new promos. Whatevs, I only saw the one where SOMEONE GETS FUCKING SHOT AT THE END. 0.0)**

**I do not own Degrassi, unfortunately. If I did, Eli would wear that red jacket a lot more often. You know, the Vegas Night one? 3**


	16. Chapter 16

"Is she coming?"

At that moment, Imogen was the only person in the room with Eli. His parents, now that he was officially going to live, were down in the cafeteria, and Adam had gone home for the night. Clare still hadn't turned up, even though CeCe had called her hours before.

If CeCe hadn't decided to come home a few hours early, Eli would be dead. The _thought _of Eli dying made Imogen want to cry- and she'd done her fair share of real, honest sobbing when she'd gotten the news that he had tried to kill himself. It had taken her almost two hours to calm down before her mother would drive her to the hospital to see him, and by that time, he'd been awake.

Eli's eyes were closed, and his voice was so soft that Imogen barely heard him. It was the first words he'd spoken in more than an hour.

Even though she had put so much effort into her plan, Imogen wanted to say _yes_. She wanted to tell Eli that Clare was on her way. She wanted to do something, to say something, to make him feel better. She really did care about him; everything she'd done was for _his _benefit. He looked so broken, lying there in the hospital bed, and Imogen wanted Clare to just swoop in and make him feel whole again.

But it _hurt _that Imogen's presence wasn't enough to lift his spirits, even though she hadn't expected that she would be.

She'd screwed up. Her whole plan had fallen apart. It was all over for Imogen, and looking at all the damage she'd caused, she wanted to kill herself, too, just like Eli had tried to.

"Imogen?" Eli's voice was choking up with unshed tears. His eyes opened, begging her to say yes.

"I'll call her again," Imogen offered. "Maybe she hasn't checked her voicemail yet."

She patted Eli's hand twice, careful to avoid touching the thick white bandages around his wrists. She was surprised that they'd even let her visit, considering that she wasn't family, but she hadn't complained.

She would never be enough for Eli, and she knew it. She would never be who Eli wanted.

She wasn't good enough.

And if he knew about Julia, he'd hate her forever.

Imogen stepped out of the room and dialed Clare's number with shaking fingers, holding her phone against her ear and pacing anxiously in the quiet, sparkling clean hallway.

"Hello?"

"Clare?" Imogen gasped, barely able to disguise the relief in her voice. She quickly tried to compose herself, but it was hard.

"Imogen?"

"Clare, Eli's at the hospital-"

"What? Why? What happened?"

"Didn't you check your voicemail?" Imogen asked, unable to keep her voice from shaking.

"No…"

"Clare, he tried to kill himself. He… he needs you." Those three words hurt so much, like they were knives tearing their way out of her. _He needs you._ After everything that Imogen had done for him, he needed _Clare_.

But she couldn't be mad at him. She couldn't be angry at someone who was so… vulnerable.

"He… he tried to _what_?" Clare shrieked, and Imogen flinched as her eardrum protested painfully.

"He's at the hospital," Imogen repeated. "He's asking for you."

She wanted to cry. She wanted to curl up in a corner and sob.

She'd lost.

After everything she'd done, she'd _lost._

And she'd caused what seemed like irreparable damage to the one person in her life who she thought that she might love.

Oh, God, she was in love with Eli Goldsworthy.

And she'd seen his ex-girlfriend die.

She'd kept him away from the one person he needed most.

If he had died, it would have been her fault.

Imogen forced herself back into Eli's hospital room, smiled, and said softly, "She's coming. She'll be here soon." She glanced back towards the empty hallway and then back at Eli. "Um, do you mind if I leave for a few minutes? If I go get something to eat?"

She didn't want to leave Eli alone right now, but she couldn't look at him. She couldn't face what she'd done to him.

The smallest of smiles touched Eli's lips, his eyes closing again, when he heard the news that Clare was coming. "Go ahead," he mumbled.

Imogen knew that he wouldn't miss her.

As soon as she turned the corner, she broke into a run, with no thought other than that she had to get as far away as she could. She had to run away from all of this to escape her demons.

She almost tripped down the stairs, in too much of a hurry to wait for the elevator, and burst out of the hospital. She heard someone yelling after her, but she just kept running, the pouring rain drenching her in only a few seconds. She felt like some invisible monster was chasing her.

No, she _was _an invisible monster.

Imogen ran until she couldn't take a single step farther. She collapsed in the back alley, her knees striking the hard ground painfully hard, and she curled into a ball, the sobs consuming her. She wasn't sure where she was or how far she'd run; she didn't recognize this place at all. She cried and screamed and beat her fists against the ground until they were bruised and bloody.

She hated herself.

God, she hated herself.

She was her own worst nightmare.

000

Clare ran straight towards Eli's room, throwing the door open and screeching to a halt. He was asleep, his eyes closed, and she couldn't help but smile at how… _calm _he looked, how _peaceful._ His arms were on top of the thin blanket, and it physically _hurt _her to see the white bandages wrapped around them.

It reminded her of the day before Spring Break, when he'd crashed his car and she'd rushed to the hospital, fearing the worse. She'd fully expected him to be in a coma with every bone in his body shattered into a hundred pieces, kept alive only by a few tubes and wires hooked up to beeping machines.

And her way of expressing her gratitude was to tell him that he scared her and leave him there, broken physically, mentally, and emotionally.

She wouldn't make the same mistake this time.

Somehow, she'd find a way to deal with the secret she now carried. She'd get Jake or Imogen to tell Eli, or she'd just have to suck it up and keep it from him. She didn't know how… traumatic it would be to know who had killed Julia, and she didn't want to find out.

Clare dragged the flimsy chair by the window over to Eli's hospital bed, sitting down and resting her hand over his lightly, avoiding the bandages, physical evidence of what she'd done to him.

She would deal with it. She couldn't leave him again.

Clare carefully intertwined her fingers with his, making sure not to wake him. He was normally a light sleeper, but maybe they had him on some sort of drugs or pain medication or something.

Whatever it was, she didn't care.

No matter what, she'd be there when he woke up.

No matter what, she'd be there for him.

000

**A/N: I have no idea how many more chapters this story is going to be. It's pretty much coming to an end, but Eli still needs to know that Noah and Imogen accidentally killed Julia, and… well, and Imogen sort of ran away. Sort of. Eh, you'll see what I mean next chapter.**

**And I hope that you feel at least a little bad for Imogen… maybe? I tried to make it seem like she just now realized what she was doing and how much damage she caused Eli and Clare, and she couldn't handle it anymore. It's like reality has suddenly come crashing down on her, and she can't handle it, because she's so horrified at herself. Again, she's not a bad person. She's just… different.**

**I gave you Happy Eclare. Enjoy it while it lasts, because that's pretty rare in my stories! Mostly because I'm not very good at writing fluff… and I like writing the dark, depressing stuff a little more. Eh, it's just the way I am, I guess. ;)**

**Anyways, review please! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! I love you guys so much!**

**I do not own Degrassi, unfortunately. That would be awesome though. I'd probably be rich or something.**


	17. Chapter 17

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Eli honestly didn't see why the heart rate monitor was necessary, but his parents had completely freaked out when Dr. What's-His-Face tried to turn it off. In their minds, if every single damned part of him wasn't being monitored every damned second, he'd find _some _way to try to kill himself again.

So he was just lying there, his eyes closed, listening to his heartbeat.

Someone's hand was lying over his, delicate fingers gripping his gently. He figured that Imogen had come back, after talking to Clare over the phone, and had stayed while he slept. Of course Clare hadn't come yet. Why would she put herself through that all over again?

He was grateful for all Imogen had done for him. Even though he realized that, yeah, she really had screwed him up, in her own way, she'd been trying to help him. She'd really thought that what she had done was best for him. He wasn't angry with her.

"Eli? I… I don't know if you can hear me. You're probably still asleep."

That voice was _definitely _not Imogen's.

_She came_. Damn it, Clare _came_. She was _there_, with him, holding his hand. She hadn't abandoned him again.

Unless she was waiting until he woke up to give him the bad news.

No. No, Clare wouldn't do that.

Eli kept his eyes closed, waiting for her to continue.

"I just wanted to say that… that I'm really, really sorry. I didn't want to do that to you again. I… I didn't know that you would… that you would try to kill yourself. I mean… I really do love you. I wasn't lying about that. I just… I _couldn't_. I… I couldn't keep what I know from you… but I couldn't tell you. And I was being a selfish bitch, I know, but I… I'm so sorry."

He felt something small, warm, and wet land on him. A tear. She was crying. Damn it, he was making her cry.

"Clare?" Eli whispered, opening his eyes and staring up at her.

"Eli? Oh, my God. _Eli_." Clare threw her arms around him, holding him in an awkward position, sandwiched between her and the hospital bed. Not that he minded, of course.

"Um, hi," he mumbled, not sure of what he was supposed to say. _I love you? I hate you? Do you happen to know where Imogen is so she can give me my damned prescription back?_

He never really was good at thinking of the right thing to say to girls. Ever. As in, he never had been, and he most likely never would be.

He could feel her tears against his shoulder, and he rubbed her back as comfortingly as he could with his thickly bandaged wrists. It was sort of funny to him that he was the one who had just tried to _kill himself_, yet _he _was the one comforting _her_.

His life made no sense whatsoever.

"It's okay," Eli promised, but his voice was hoarse and shaky and pained, so he knew that he didn't sound very convincing.

Clare pulled back suddenly, furiously wiping her tears away. "How could you do that?" she almost screamed, and Eli's eyes widened in surprise.

"What?"

"How could you do that to yourself? To _me_? Did you think that you could just _kill yourself _and no one would _care_?"

"I thought that you hated me," Eli admitted, his voice so faint that he wasn't sure that she heard him. "I thought that I'd done something wrong and that you hated me. And… Clare, I can't live with myself anymore. I can't live with myself if you hate me." Even quieter, he whispered, "I hate myself."

"I don't hate you," Clare objected, and she began to cry again; she wasn't even trying to stop the tears this time. "How could you even _think _that?"

"You broke up with me." Eli hadn't realized just how stupid that sounded until that moment. _You broke up with me. I thought you hated me. I tried to kill myself. Makes perfect sense, right?_ "Why did you break up with me?" He sounded like a little kid, like a child, but he didn't care.

She hesitated. "I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because I _can't_!"

Eli could tell that the subject was upsetting her, but he needed to _know_, goddamn it. He was lying in a hospital bed for the second time because of her- even though it wasn't truly her fault- and the least she could do was tell him _why_.

_Beep beep beep beep._

His heartbeat rose as he grew more and more agitated, more and more angry, and he struggled to calm himself. If he didn't, he might bring a doctor- _damn heart monitor- _and he couldn't allow Clare a chance to change the subject or escape. He had to keep her here until she told the truth. Hell, he had to keep her here, with him, forever. He couldn't lose her again.

He _couldn't_.

"Do you love me?" he asked suddenly, bitterly. "I mean, do you _really _love me? If you're just saying that you do because you feel _guilty _or something, then you can get the fuck out right now."

Clare stared at him, openmouthed, for a few seconds, and then her expression set into one of determination and defiance. Set into stone.

"I'm not going anywhere."

For now, that was all he needed to know.

000

As soon as Imogen found out where she was, she'd caught a bus back to a street near her house and walked back. Her mother was at work, and her father was at his girlfriend's house. Her parents had an open marriage; that was the official term, but they acted more like wayward friends then spouses. Imogen didn't think that they'd slept together in, well, years. Her father had some slutty girlfriend only three years older than Imogen herself and her mother had recently broken up with some idiotic, disgusting guy who kept winking and making creepy, suggestive gestures at Imogen every time he was over. Of course, Imogen's mother had said that she loved him, but Imogen knew that she was just in it for the thrill of dating a "bad boy."

_Bad boy. Yeah, right. There's a difference between a bad boy and a bad man._

Her parents were definitely weird. It must have run in the family.

Imogen had thrown a few changes of clothes and all the money she had hidden in her room into a duffel bag, adding her tattered green notebook and _Haunted _by Chuck Palahniuk just for the hell of it. She filled the duffel bag until she could barely zip it closed, added her fake ID- the once claiming that she was nineteen- into her pockets, as well as about four or five dollars in loose change.

The only thing she had left to do now was run away.

God, she was _running away_.

Imogen slid the strap of the duffel bag onto her shoulder, stumbling a little at how damned _heavy _it was, and quickly grabbed her phone. She quickly scrawled a short note onto a bright pink Post-It note and left it stuck to the light blue wall on her way outside.

_Get it together_, she told herself sternly. It was best for everyone if she disappeared for a while, and it was best for _her _if she didn't think about what she had done. If she did, she'd break down again. She'd fall apart.

And she couldn't let that happen.

She would buy a bus ticket to anywhere and stay in a random hotel, and the next day, she'd buy another ticket and then another until she finally left everything behind, until she left _herself _behind. She'd completely reinvent herself; she would no longer be Imogen Moreno. She'd somehow get herself a new name, a new history, and she'd leave behind the memories of what she'd done.

It wouldn't be easy.

But she had to do it.

000

Clare knocked lightly on the front door, standing nervously outside. She was in front of Imogen Moreno's house at Eli's request; he wanted to talk to her, and she wasn't answering her phone. He'd told Clare her address, and she'd agreed to come and get Imogen before she and Eli talked any more.

For whatever reason, she wasn't sure, but she couldn't deny Eli anything he wanted. Not when he was in this state.

When no one answered, Clare knocked again, louder this time. There were no cars in the driveway or open garage, but when she tested the doorknob, it turned with no problem. There had to be _someone _home if the door was unlocked, right?

Clare stepped inside, calling out, "Imogen? Where are you? Eli wants me to…" She trailed off, noticing a single square of hot pink standing out against the calm, light blue walls. It was a Post-It note, she realized, with messy handwriting scrawled on it.

"Imogen?" Clare called again.

She knew that she shouldn't. She knew that it was an invasion of privacy and that it would be wrong of her to do it.

Clare crossed the room and squinted to read the messy letters.

_Don't look for me. I don't want to be found. Tell Eli and Clare that I'm sorry. –Imogen_

000

**A/N: And there you have it! Chapter Seventeen!**

**My keyboard's kind of screwy, especially my shift keys, so I'm sorry if I missed a few mistakes. I made my friend proofread it, so I think it's okay.**

**So Imogen has officially run away. What do you think Clare's going to do? What do you think Eli wanted to talk to Imogen about? Do you think that Clare will ever know the truth about Julia's accident? Do you think that Noah will spill his story to people other than Clare? Review and tell me what you're thinking!**

**Sorry if this chapter was a little boring compared to the others; things will get exciting again real fast, I promise.**

**I do not own Degrassi.**


	18. Chapter 18

"Mrs. Moreno-"

"Please, call me Lisa."

Imogen's mother was definitely… different. If Clare had seen her just out on the street, she never would've guessed that she had any kids at all, let alone a teenager name Imogen. The women was wearing a tight, rather revealing tank top that was almost overflowing with sparkling sequins. Her shorts could pass of as a belt, almost, and were ripped up the sides. And it wasn't that she wasn't attractive enough to wear that, but it was just… strange to know that this woman had a _child_.

"Lisa. Uh, do you know where Imogen might have gone?"

Clare had waited for hours for _Lisa _to come home, but when she'd shown the woman her daughter's note, she'd seemed so… indifferent.

"Nope." Lisa glanced back towards her house, like she was itching to get away from Clare and her questions.

_You're not helping, you know._

"Look, I love my kid, I really do," Lisa added. "I mean, I really, honestly do love her, but it's not that easy to have a kid like her. She's my daughter, after all. But she's always had a screw or two loose. She's a smart kid, but don't try to reason or rationalize with her."

"She ran away," Clare pointed out, "and you're not worried at all?"

"Like I said, she's a smart kid. She'll turn up eventually."

"And if she doesn't?"

"Why do you care? Are you her friend or something? You don't seem like the type of kid Imo would want to be around."

_Imo?_

Clare ignored the sort-of insult and pressed on. "I'm Clare," she repeated. She'd introduced herself the second Lisa had gotten out of her car, but the woman had just leaned against the side of the house and stared off into space. "The Clare in the note?" she ventured, holding the Post-It note up again.

Lisa shrugged. "Look, is there a _point _to this?"

"Yes! The _point _is that your _daughter _is _missing _and you don't give a shit about it!"

"Are you saying that I don't love my kid?"

_This is going absolutely nowhere._

"Yes."

"What?" Lisa's voice was low and dangerous, but Clare wasn't intimidated.

"If you really loved her, you'd look for her. If you really loved her, you'd be calling the police or something, or you'd be at least a _little _bit worried that your _sixteen year old kid _is out there on her own." Clare took a deep breath. "Two years ago, in April, I'd bet you anything that Imogen came home in the middle of the night. I'll bet you anything that she acted really strange after that. I bet that you thought that it was just because you guys were moving and you didn't think anything of it. I bet that after that, she was never the same."

"How do you know that?" Lisa snarled.

Clare shrugged. "Because I care. Because I actually give a damn about _your _daughter."

She hadn't realized the truth behind those words until then. She cared about Imogen, the girl who she'd hated until very recently. The girl who she'd utterly despised until she learned the truth.

Before Lisa could respond, Clare turned to stalk away, pausing only to call over her shoulder, "You know what? Go to hell."

000

Eli waited anxiously for Clare to come back.

She'd called CeCe to give him a message that Imogen was missing and that she was going to stay a little while longer to see if she would turn up.

He needed to talk to Imogen. He had so much he needed to say to her. He had so much that he needed to smooth over, so much that he needed to _know_, before he could really find peace. How damned… _Christian_ of him. The whole _finding peace _thing was unusual for an atheist, and if he wasn't so worried about Imogen and Clare, if he wasn't so damned miserable without Clare beside him, he might have laughed. Might have.

"Can I use your cell phone?" he asked CeCe for the millionth time.

She smiled peacefully, patting his hand. "Not right now, baby boy."

"I need to call Clare," he whined, aware that he sounded like a little kid. Of course, he couldn't really bring himself to care.

"I already tried. Her phone's turned off."

Well, _that _was reassuring. Eli closed his eyes tightly, biting his lip and trying to force himself to calm down. Clare would be okay. She had a bad habit of leaving her cell phone turned off for long periods of time, which never failed to freak the hell out of Eli when he was trying to reach her.

"She'll be okay, don't worry." CeCe paused, an uncomfortable silence stretching out between them, and then she continued slowly. "Eli, Dr. Hadley wants to talk to you as soon as you get out of the hospital."

Dr. Hadley. His therapist. Oh, that ought to be fun.

He could only imagine how a therapy session would go after a suicide attempt. Would Dr. Hadley believe that Eli was so much better now because he had Clare? Would she tell him that his dependence on her was unhealthy for both of them? Hell, he already knew that. Again, though, he didn't care.

"Okay," he sighed. "Can you try calling Clare again?"

000

"J- Noah, really, you have to help me," Clare nearly begged.

Noah narrowed his eyes, glancing away. "Clare, I can't. If Imogen finds out that I told anyone about it, she'll-"

"Noah, Imogen's missing. Her parents don't care, and she could be _anywhere_."

"Clare, Imogen disappears a lot. I mean, a _lot_. She'll turn up."

"She left a _note_." Clare dug the folded Post-It note out of her pocket and handed it to Noah. His eyes widened as he read the words, and he handed it back to Clare in silence.

"So… what does that mean?" Clare asked softly.

"Not to be rude or anything, but… why do you even care? I mean, I thought you hated her."

"I don't hate her," Clare protested. "I mean, I did, but… when she called me to tell me that Eli had… had tried to kill himself, she sounded so… so helpless. She sounded like she was just falling apart or something. And I have to help her."

"It's your Christian duty or something, right?" Noah's words reminded Clare of the heated religious debates she'd had with Eli. The last one had ended with them agreeing that religion was too much of a touchy subject for them, and that they wouldn't bring it up again unless it was absolutely necessary.

"Or something," Clare snapped. "Listen, J- Noah, I really need to find her. Do you have any idea where she'd be? Would she go back to… to your old high school?"

Noah shook his head. "No, she hated that place. And Clare, if I help you… my cover could be blown. Everyone could find out about what we did. Clare, I was driving underage _and _drunk. Don't you realize that I could be tried as an _adult_? I could be charged with _murder_."

Clare stepped forward so she was right in his face. Or, rather, she was staring up into his face- he was _really _tall. "I realize that you're too damned cowardly to help me find your ex-girlfriend. Don't _you _care about her at all? She could be really hurt, Noah. She could be out there, all alone, scared and hurt and _no one _would find her because I don't know where the hell to look."

"Clare, I can't."

"If you don't help me find Imogen, _I'll _blow your cover," Clare snarled. "So just think about that, okay?"

Pure fear flashed in Noah's eyes, and he actually took a step back, as if she had physically hurt him. "Okay," he gasped finally, looking like he was finding it hard to breathe. "Okay, whatever you say. I… I'll help you."

_What the hell did I just do?_

Clare was horrified at herself. She'd just… she'd just _blackmailed _someone who had put his trust in her. How could she do something like that?

But then she reminded herself that Imogen was out there, alone. That could have been her out there, her or Eli. They could have been trapped in the same impossible situation. And if Clare was Imogen, she wouldn't care what anyone did, as long as they saved her. The ends would justify the means.

000

**A/N: Clare isn't really a bad person. She's just doing the wrong things for the right reasons.**

**What do you think Eli needs to talk to Imogen about? (And yes, I'm keeping you in the dark about that on purpose. I'm mean, aren't I?)**

**Besides, Eli doesn't even know about Julia yet! He's always one step behind, isn't he?**

**Isn't Imogen's mother just a LOVELY person?  
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**Review please! Your reviews make my day!**

**Oh, and by the way, I'm sorry that I haven't sent replies to most of your reviews. My messenger thing is really screwed up (technology hates me, I swear), so I was only able to send about three messages to thank people before my computer froze again.**

**But anyways, thank all of you for reviewing! Your reviews just make my entire day, and I love reading them so much!**

**(By the way, the new promo? Eli is officially FREAKING CRAZY. I KNEW that something like this was going to happen. I KNEW that he would go frickin' psycho and start thinking that Imogen was Clare. I've actually read a few fanfics about that. But OH MY GOD, he still loves Clare. And I really think that, deep down, Clare still loves Eli. And even if that's not true, there's still fanfiction! But Jesus Christ, Imogen, when he starts calling you by the wrong name, you don't just go along with it. I mean, come on.)**

**I do not own Degrassi, unfortunately. If I did, Eli and Clare would probably married or something by now.**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Very, very long chapter. Shit will go down. You have been warned.**

000

"Mom, I'm _fine_."

"You're supposed to stay in the hospital for three days after… after something like this happens." CeCe couldn't seem to bring herself to say the phrase _attempted suicide._

"I'm fine," Eli protested. "Really. I have Clare now, and… I won't try something like that again. I was just… messed up. I was having a bad day, okay?"

"And next time you have a bad day? Will you try to kill yourself again?"

"No, that's not what I meant."

"And if Clare breaks up with you again?"

Eli couldn't imagine life without Clare, which was probably a bad thing. The word _unhealthy _once again came to his mind, but it didn't matter. He had Clare; they loved each other, and that was all that he cared about. And, hopefully, all that she cared about, too.

"I promise that I'll never try this again." And he wouldn't. At least, not that way. He hoped that he would never be driven to the point to try that ever again, but if he did, he'd definitely never try to slit his wrists, because damn it, that _hurt_. Lying there on the cold floor, he felt like the pain was radiating all over his body as his life slowly ebbed away. And it was _way _worse than it sounded, for the record.

"I want you to see Dr. Hadley the second you get out of here," CeCe sighed.

"Does that mean you'll ask them to let me out?"

"I'll try."

"Thanks. Hey… can I use your cell phone?"

CeCe rolled her eyes, but, to his surprise, handed it to him.

Eli quickly dialed Clare's numbed, wondering whether or not suicides were allowed to use cell phones in their hospital beds. There were no laws against it, right?

"Come on, come on," Eli mumbled. "Pick up, damn it, Blue Eyes."

"_Hi, this is Clare Edwards. I can't pick up right now, but I'll call you back as soon as I can! Please leave a message!"_

"Hey, it's me, Eli. They're letting me out of the hospital now… call me back soon, please. I'm going crazy without you."

000

"Imogen probably won't hang around for much longer," Noah warned. He was gripping the wheel of the truck so hard his knuckles were white.

"What makes you think that?"

"She never does. When she's scared or hurt or whatever, she always runs. And she's good at covering her tracks. I mean, chances are we're not gonna find her if she doesn't want to be found."

_She told us not to look for her._

But maybe Imogen wasn't thinking clearly. Maybe, deep down, she wanted someone to find her, to save her. Maybe she was unstable; maybe there was something going on in her head that she couldn't control, and damned if Clare was just going to leave behind another person like that. She didn't exactly know why, but she cared a lot about Imogen; maybe it was because she was so close to Eli. Even though she _had _manipulated him and Clare, Eli wanted to see her. He wanted to talk to her and maybe that was why Clare was hell-bent on finding her.

"Where do we start looking? Hotels?"

"She doesn't like hotels very much."

"What about the abandoned church?"

"What?" Noah glanced at her as if she was crazy. "No way."

_Well, I'm sorry, but I'm just going to keep spouting ridiculous ideas until you decide to help me._

"She might… I mean, she might be at this one place, but…" Noah shook his head. "No, that's impossible. She wouldn't go back there."

"Where?"

"It's kind of like your abandoned church, but for her. It's this… safe haven of hers. I saw her there once, and I think she might be there."

_Since that's the first actual idea we've had all day… by all means, drive._

"Well?" Clare asked.

"Well what?"

"_Why aren't you driving?_"

000

Imogen was alone.

Or, at least, she was as alone as she could be. She was alone with herself.

And it was horrible.

She hadn't known just how much she'd depended on the presence of other people to distract her until she actually was all alone, left to the mercy of her own thoughts. Even when she was at home, she was always thinking about Clare or Eli or Noah or _someone_.

She was smart; there was no doubt about that. She'd subconsciously discovered a way to distract herself, to protect herself, from the truth of what she'd done.

God, she was a walking Linkin Park song.

Eli.

She'd pushed him, farther and farther, until he'd snapped. Until he'd been past the breaking point, and she'd shattered him. Fuck, he had tried to _kill himself _because she couldn't live and let live. She couldn't accept the fact that he was in love with Clare, that Imogen herself never really had a chance.

Imogen pulled her cell phone out of her purse, staring at it for almost a full minute before her fingers moved slowly over the keys, spelling it out letter by letter.

_Noah knows where to find me. I need to talk to you. –Imogen_

Her fingers trembling, she hit _SEND._

000

Imogen.

She was lying on her back in the middle of the secluded field. Clare thought that it looked like a scene out of Twilight or something; the bright green grass, the surrounding forest. The only difference was, there was a highway off to the side; Imogen was hidden from the passing cars, but you could catch a glimpse of the road, and you could definitely hear it.

"Clare," she whispered without opening her eyes, so faintly that Clare barely heard. "Eli."

It was almost surreal. It couldn't be happening.

After Clare had finally remembered to turn on her phone- she had about three million worried voicemails from Eli- and had read Imogen's text, she'd forced Noah to take them to where she was. But now, she wanted to run away. Some secrets were best kept secrets, and Clare wasn't sure if she really wanted to know the whole truth.

As if Imogen had read Clare's mind, she spoke up again, louder this time. "The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth will set you free, right?" Her eyes opened, meeting Clare's, and then flickering to Eli. "I need to talk to you. Both of you."

_She's going to tell him._

Imogen looked like she had just completely given up the fight, like she knew that she was beaten and accepted it. She was going to tell Eli about Julia, but was now _really _the best time?

"I need to tell you the truth," Imogen continued, her voice eerily calm, like the silence before the storm. "And then I need to leave. I need to disappear."

_She's not making any sense_, Clare realized. _Oh, God, she's insane. Imogen Moreno is freaking _insane_._

Of course, she knew that already.

"Eli, we used to go to the same high school… me, you, Noah- well, you know him as Jake- and Julia." Imogen stood up in a single motion, standing as elegantly as royalty in the middle of the clearing, like Clare imagined Marie Antoinette had looked in the moments before her execution.

Out of the corner of her eye, Clare saw Eli freeze when Imogen mentioned Julia's name. She moved closer to him, taking his hand, feeling the bandages still wrapped around his wrists.

"Noah and I dated. When I learned that I was moving up here… well, I was upset. And Noah and I said, hell, let's go get drunk and be stupid and just celebrate life before I left, you know?" Imogen's voice was steadily rising, and Clare could visibly see how upset the girl was.

"Imogen, calm down-" Clare began, but Imogen cut her off.

"No! I need to tell him!" she screamed, and Clare forced herself not to step back in shock and fear. She wouldn't let herself be afraid of Imogen. If she let fear take over, there was no way she could help Imogen. And damn, she _needed _to help Imogen. For whatever reason, she _needed _to.

Imogen took a few deep breaths, and Eli managed to choke out, "Clare, what's going on?"

"Just… listen," she whispered, not sure if he heard her.

"Noah and I… we had these fake IDs, and we got really, really drunk. It was one in the morning or something, and we just decided that if we stuck to the back roads or something, we'd be fine, even though we were completely wasted. It… it was April twenty-second."

Clare was too scared to look at Eli's face to see his reaction.

For some reason, a line from the song _Over My Head _by The Fray popped into her mind. _I'd rather run the other way than stay and see the smoke and who's still standing when it clears…_

They were all in over their heads, all in too deep. They were past the point of no return, and there was no backing out now.

"And Noah was driving and we didn't see her, I swear we didn't, and I didn't even know that she was _Julia _until a couple months ago…" The words were spilling out so fast that Clare had trouble understanding them. "And I blackmailed Noah into pretending to be Jake because I thought that maybe I could help you, that I could fix you, and I swear I just wanted to help…"

Clare gathered the courage to glance at Eli's face.

It was like he hadn't heard anything past _April twenty-second._

"I was wrong, I know I was wrong, but I swear to God, I swear on my life, on _anything_, that I didn't mean to kill her… it was just an accident, I promise, I swear." Imogen was crying now, and Clare felt like maybe she was the eye of the storm, with Imogen and Eli's separate hurricanes of emotions swirling around her.

Even the eye was fucked up that day.

"Please," Imogen whispered brokenly. "Please forgive me."

There was silence.

And then Eli; "You… you killed… _you killed Julia._"

"I'm sorry," Imogen sobbed. "I didn't mean to."

"You killed Julia," Eli repeated, like a parrot that only knew one phrase. He was saying the words, but he couldn't seem to grasp the meaning behind it.

"Eli," Clare managed to say, tightening her grip on his hand, trying to keep him grounded to reality. "Eli, look at me."

He didn't seem to be able to tear his eyes away from Imogen. His entire body was trembling, and he looked like he might fall over at any second.

But when he spoke again, there was no question that he was talking to Clare.

"You knew?"

Her answer to those simple words could fix him for now, or they could break him forever. Imogen's eyes met Clare's, and she silently begged the other girl to lie, to say that she had nothing to do with it, that it was all Imogen. Clare knew that Imogen was willing to take all the blame if it meant that maybe Eli would be hurt a little less.

_She really, really cares about him._

But Clare couldn't lie. Not anymore.

"Yes," she whispered.

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

Honest was the best policy.

The truth never hurt anyone.

Yeah, right.

"You… you _knew_… and you didn't tell me?" Eli didn't sound angry. He sounded betrayed, like she had gained his trust only to stick a knife in his back and twist the blade.

"I couldn't." Clare would drop to her knees and beg him to understand, to forgive her, if that was what it took.

"It's not her fault," Imogen blurted out. "Don't blame Clare, Eli. It's not-"

"_**SHUT UP!**_"

Both Clare and Imogen jumped about ten feet in the air at Eli's outburst. Eli tore his hand away from Clare and backed away, as if they were both dangerous wild animals and she was afraid that they might kill him, that they might rip his heart out.

But they already did.

"Eli-"

"I _trusted _you!" he shouted. "I fucking _trusted _you, _both _of you, and the whole time, you were hiding _this _from me?"

Clare wanted to tell him that it wasn't like that, that it wasn't the whole time, not for her. That she hadn't known until very recently, and that she had wanted to tell Eli, but she couldn't.

But she knew that nothing she could say would ever make this better.

For the third time in the past two months, she'd broken him.

"I wanted to tell you!" Imogen cried. "I really, really wanted to, I swear! But I couldn't!"

"I _trusted you_!"

Imogen was backing away, too-

_Towards the road…_

"I'm sorry," Clare whispered, and she knew that Eli couldn't possibly have heard her. She could feel the tears, welling up in her eyes, starting to spill over.

"I'm sorry!" Imogen echoed, screaming the words. Backing up even more, so her foot was on the edge of the road.

Clare's eyes were fastened on Eli until she heard the tires squeal.

Imogen had stepped into the center of the road, right in the path of the car.

Time seemed to slow down, the seconds stretching into eternity.

Imogen turned towards the car; there might have still been time for her to leap to the side.

Instead, she smiled.

She _smiled._

She spread her arms to the side, like they were wings. Like she was embracing her salvation, staring in the face of her own personal happy ending.

Like this was exactly what she wanted.

000

**A/N: Longest chapter I've ever posted! In my opinion, the beginning was a little rough, but I really like the end. I'm a fan of my own story. Modest, aren't I?**

**And I'm sorry that this story is coming to an end, because I really love writing it, but the next chapter will be the last one. There probably will not be an epilogue.**

**Just to clear a few things up; **

**I know that in the show, Eli showed Clare the place where Julia died. In my story, he moved from the United States, which is why no one in Toronto recognized Imogen.**

**I know that the whole transition from Jake to Noah was a little confusing. If I had a penny for every time I wrote "Jake" instead of "Noah" in the past couple chapters, I'd be a millionaire. (Exaggeration, but you get the point.)**

**My friend pointed out to me when she read this that Noah seemed like a completely different person when he was pretending to be Jake. That was because, well, he was pretending to be a different person, so he was faking a different personality.**

**I know that Eli and Clare seem very on/off at the moment, and I'm doing my best to make that as realistic as possible. It's like the universe is conspiring against them; every time they find happiness in each other, some new issue or secret pops up.**

**Noah and Imogen can be tried as adults (at least, they can in the US) even though they were kids when Julia was killed, because they were drunk and driving underage. They could very realistically be sent to jail if there ever was a trial.**

**Sorry for capitalization typos. One of my shift keys is broken and the other only works around half the time, so for now I've resorted to using Caps Lock and auto-correct for most of it. Stupid old Toshiba.**

**Am I the only one who can't fucking wait to see Eli's play? As long as he doesn't shoot anyone, I'll be okay.**

**From the promo, it looks like he does pull out a gun or something, but promos can be very misleading. Remember the Drop the World promos when we all thought Eli was gonna die and/or he was going to shoot someone? He shot a picture and broke his foot. Very misleading. And even if he did turn into some kind of murderer, I'd still write Eclare fanfiction, just for the hell of it. Eclare fan until the end! BOOYAH!**

**And I think that's it for now. Review, please! I do not own Degrassi, Twilight, or Over My Head by the Fray.**


	20. Chapter 20

Fourteen broken bones.

Major concussion.

Unresponsive.

Comatose.

Clare bit her lip, a few tears leaking out. She couldn't get it out of her head; she saw, over and over, the silver car striking Imogen, the _sound_. Oh, God, she could still hear it echoing in her ears, the sound of her bones snapping, the sound of her broken body collapsing on the pavement.

She knew that, for as long as she lived, she would never forget Imogen's smile when she had seen what could well have been her death staring her straight in the face.

Like she had wanted to die.

Clare didn't notice Eli sitting beside her until he wrapped his arms around her, and she realized that he was crying, too, tears falling one by one, slowly and silently. She could feel herself shaking, and she almost couldn't breathe.

_Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend, somewhere along in the bitterness, and I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life…_

The depressing lyrics replaying in her head really weren't helping her tears.

_What if she dies? _Clare thought hopelessly. _Oh, God, what if she really does die?_

She raised her head from Eli's shoulder, her gaze fastening on Noah, who stood a little behind him. His eyes were red, but he wasn't crying. At least, not anymore.

Without a word, she waved him over.

He sat down gingerly beside her, seeming at a loss for words. Then he whispered, "I'm sorry."

There were a hell of a lot of apologies going around lately, and not one of them made any damned difference. _I'm sorry _didn't change a single fucking thing.

Maybe that wasn't true. Maybe, if someone had thought to apologize to _Imogen,_ to say that they were _sorry _for the hell she'd been through, maybe she wouldn't be lying half-dead in that hospital bed, with the doctors walking in and out of her room, shaking their heads and sighing sadly.

"I know," Clare replied simply, untangling herself from Eli's arms but still leaning into him, wanting to be that helpless little girl that Darcy had always hated in the fairy tales, the ones who were comforted by their princes, their knights in shining armor. She wanted someone to protect her, to shield her from the world, but she wasn't allowed that luxury anymore.

"I'm sorry for pretending to be Jake. I'm sorry that I got you involved with this shit."

"We aren't going to tell anyone."

Clare blinked, surprised at Eli's words. What exactly did he mean by that?

"What?" Noah asked, confused. "Um, I hate to remind you, but I sort of killed your girlfriend."

"The past is the past," Eli sighed. He sounded tired, resigned, like this was his fate, and there was no fighting that. "It happened. And no one can change that."

Clare suddenly realized what he was saying. They were going to keep Noah's secret. If anyone found out, they could be just as guilty as he was.

They would have to live with the secret for the rest of their lives. They would have to live with the _guilt _for the rest of their lives.

And they didn't have a choice.

Well, sure, they had a _choice_. They could either ruin another person's life or let him go.

Some secrets were best kept secrets.

000

Eli stepped into Imogen's hospital room.

He'd never really thought of her as a fragile or delicate person, but now, looking at her with all the wires and machines hooked up, she looked so broken. Her eyes were closed, her forehead bandaged, her right leg and arm encased in casts; he could see the lumps under the thin blanket.

"Hey," he murmured softly, shutting the door behind him and pulling a chair over to the bed. "I… I feel kind of stupid right now…"

He half expected her to open her eyes, to sit up and give him that teasing, I-know-everything-and-you'll-just-have-to-wait-and-see-if-I-share-with-you grin.

Of course that didn't happen.

_Comatose._

"I know you can't answer me," Eli continued softly. "You probably can't even hear me, but I… I read some stuff about… people in comas who could hear everything, and I…" He took a deep breath. "I asked Clare to find you because I wanted to talk to you. I _needed _to talk to you. And now they say that the chances of you ever waking up are one to a hundred… and I have to try, you know? If there's even a chance that you can hear me, I have to say this."

He took another deep breath, mentally preparing himself. "When we were at the hospital that day, after I tried to kill myself, and you didn't say very much, but I… I could see it in your eyes. I could see that you knew what you'd done to me, to Clare, and that you were sorry." Tears prickled behind his eyes, but he kept them back. "And I… I was just to mad when I realized that you'd… killed Julia. I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at _me_. I was just so pissed that I'd trusted you, and the whole time, you were hiding something like that from me. But I didn't mean it. I didn't mean what I said. Well, I did, but… God damn it, Imogen, you need to fucking wake up. Please."

He stared at her and repeated, "Please."

There was no response except for the heart rate monitor, beeping in a steady rhythm.

"Imogen, I had so much I wanted to say, but now… I can't. I just… I just needed to say that I… that I…"

One more deep breath. He raised one hand to trace his fingers lightly over Imogen's cheekbone, and he whispered, "You said that you were sorry, and I believe you."

Again, he paused and waited for a response. Finally, he whispered, "I forgive you."

000

"Eli… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I kept this from you. Please," Clare begged, her voice raw with the tears she'd shed. "Please forgive me."

"I… I don't know if I can trust you again," Eli admitted. "Clare, if two people are in a relationship… they need to tell each other _everything_."

"I didn't want to hurt you. I thought that if I was the one to tell you, you'd hate me forever."

"I could never hate you, Blue Eyes."

"Maybe… maybe we could try again?" Clare suggested in a small voice. "Just start all over. Wipe the slate clean."

Eli shook his head. "I'll never forget this. I'll never forget Imogen or Jake- I mean, Noah. I'll never forget what we all did to each other."

"Neither will I," Clare whispered.

"But maybe… maybe we could be friends. And one day…"

"One day," Clare echoed.

"I love you," Eli promised.

"I love you too."

"Friends?" Eli asked, holding out his hand for her to shake.

Clare took his hand, stepped closer, and pressed her lips gently to his. She pulled back much too soon, stared into his eyes, smiled, and whispered, "Just for now?"

Eli gave her his signature lopsided smirk, and she almost feel her heart melting.

"Just for now," he agreed.

Whatever happened now, they'd get through it together. Somewhere, somehow, there was something better. They had faith.

000

**A/N: THE END!**

**There will not be a sequel or epilogue. You can decide for yourself if Imogen ever wakes up from the coma or if anyone ever finds out about Julia's death.**

**I don't know if this counts as a happy ending or not.**

**I'm in the process of writing a new story called Six Feet From The Edge. The first chapter will be up soon.  
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**Thank you to emerald1198, RedStory, InkBloodChambers, xiia, JessicaWasHere393, NeverShoutJoyce, Diana-Wolfe-Naturea, degrassistar, PoetWITHOUTaCause, Twilighter Tabitha, Unknown, degrassi-passion12, xXSakaXx, white wolf writer05, chloedarlinx3, EclareForever24, ItzJustVina12, claire3loves3music, DegrassiLovex3, aztec girl, GreenEyes, and my anonymous reviewers. Sorry if I missed anyone!**

**Special thanks to emerald1198, not only for being my first reviewer, but for reviewing every chapter and leaving these huge comments that were just completely incredible!**

**Thank all you guys! I couldn't have finished this story without your support!**

**-ThirteenWishes**


	21. Author's Note

**A/N: I know that it's against the rules to post chapters that are only author's notes, but whatever. I'll make this short.**

**I just wanted to say that the first chapter of my new story, Six Feet From the Edge, is up, and I really hope that you guys take the time to read it. Also, several people sent me messages asking if I was writing a sequel to this (even though I addressed that in my previous chapter's AN), and since my private messenger decided it wanted to screw up my computer again, I can't message them back.**

**Anyways, no, there is not going to be a sequel to Blind Faith at the moment. Sometime in the future, I might write a sequel, but I really don't think that I will. I'm not going to write an epilogue, either. You can take the ending any way you want to.**

**I hope you guys liked the story, and I hope you like Six Feet From the Edge! Peace out!**

**-ThirteenWishes**


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